Part Four: Financial Therapy Journal in Action for Clients Dealing with Wealth Transfer Dynamics
by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach
This post is part four of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Check out part one for an in-depth look at The Great Wealth Transfer, part two for a focus on common pain points and strategies for success, and part three for a peek at how financial therapy helps with wealth transfer dynamics.
For today’s blog post, Sarina, Maria, and Devon have graciously allowed us to peek into their financial therapy journals! Now, I realize they are pretend people and made-up vignettes based on my decade of experience. Still, it’s nice to ask their permission to look at their pretend journal entries!
To start, let’s read what Sarina wrote in her financial therapy journal after a few appointments with me (a real financial therapist!).
I was excited to get on the video call with Wendy today. It was our third appointment together. So far, I have noticed a definite decline in my anxiety and racing thoughts as I have worked with the prompts Wendy offered.
Today, she asked me to Breathe! Yes, I felt a bit frustrated because I wanted some action steps, but I followed the prompt out of curiosity. Here are the instructions from Wendy:
Let’s start off with a breath. Focusing on your breathing regulates the nervous system and connects you to your physical body. It grounds you to the present moment.
Find a tall, comfortable seat that allows you to breathe fully and without restriction. Close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
As you breathe, think about money: spending, saving, debting, earning, and anything in between. Imagine the physical representation of money: the way dollar bills feel in your hand or the way coins clinks together in your pocket. Think about how it feels to swipe a credit card or pay your balance online.
Take five deep, intentional breaths, inhaling for the count of four…and exhaling for the count of four.
Allow your breath to float in and out like clouds drifting across the sky. When thoughts come up, approach them with compassionate curiosity rather than judgment.
After five breaths, open your eyes.
This pause, this breathing exercise, really helped to slow my racing thoughts and to connect me with what I want my money life to look like. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I feel more able to sit with the uncertainty.
I want to increase awareness of my money mindsets, realizing I have lived with a high level of general avoidance of money most of my life. I have unconsciously kept myself in a paycheck to paycheck cycle, not really thinking much about it. My parents did it, so I thought it was just the way it was.
I also uncovered an attitude of resentment toward anyone who had “more than enough,” believing it meant they were doing something wrong, cheating, or being greedy. Now, I am faced with being someone with “more than enough.” It’s no wonder that I see the value in shifting my money mindset!
Prior to meeting with Wendy, I was ignoring my bank balance. The funds were transferred a couple of months ago, and I am still living the same daily life. I am relieved to hear that I am not alone in not knowing what to do with such a paradigm shift in my sense of self and lifestyle. I’m ready for whatever comes next!
Moving on, Maria has worked with me for a few months now. Here is a snippet from her financial therapy journal.
Wow! This week, Wendy gave me this journal prompt: What story do I want my money to tell? I hate to admit it, but I’ve never thought about having my own money story. As I begin to accept this money, these resources are mine to own now, not my uncle’s, or my parents’. I get to build a vision for it.
Wendy keeps repeating that I can approach this wealth transfer with compassion, curiosity, and zero judgment. This blows my mind! I have never experienced anything around money with zero judgment. And it’s so helpful. Now, I can see forward. I can see that I want my resources to grow and expand my life, not scare me or guilt me.
When I think of my money story, I envision financial security for myself: taking family trips, having ways to create memories, and having money to leave for my children. I don’t actually know how to achieve these goals, but Wendy was very helpful in encouraging me to take this process one step at a time. Until I know the story I want it to tell, I won’t know the questions to even ask my Financial A-Team.
Devon is also working through a couple of journal prompts from me this week.
Today, Wendy asked me to journal about the money I am receiving and answer the question, “Whose money is it?” I immediately began to think of family members who seem to need money. This exercise helped me realize that I am not thinking of the money as mine but simply as mine to give away.
In talking with Wendy about this feeling, I realized I am eager to give it away because I want to push the “problem” away from me — the “problem” being my fear of what to do with this money. It’s time to shift away from fear and toward more confidence that I can build my own money map and have it reflect my values.
I also recognize that my sister has always been really good at presenting her problems to me and expecting me to give her money to solve them. I have done so a few times, and now, I see it’s actually not helping her change her life. Next week, I want to talk more with Wendy about how to have strong financial boundaries as I work toward truly owning my resources.
Wow! How cool was it that we were able to explore the thoughts of these individuals as they adjust to their new financial realities after wealth transfer?
What did you notice when asking yourself to consider these journal prompts? Journaling is a great tool for our relationship with money because money doesn’t hold a conversation with us. By slowing down your thoughts enough to write out the money map you desire, your brain can begin to identify the questions you need to answer to build your path.
Well, that’s a wrap on this four-part series. Together, we looked at the reality of wealth transfers, including the volume of funds to be transferred in the near future. We defined wealth as an abundance of resources. Then, we walked through the experiences of Sarina, Maria, and Devon to gain some personal insights into this process.
So now what? What do you do with this new perspective? Whether you expect to receive or to give wealth in the future, I encourage you to use the journal prompts above to connect to the role you want money to play in your life. Explore your thoughts and reactions with zero judgment. Build paths toward communication that feels helpful and not overwhelming. Knowing the high amounts of wealth, of resources, that are passed to generations and then lost, it’s worth looking at your communication style and goals, so that this wealth transfer can become a time of connection and care.
Remember: I am always here for you!
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