Who is driving your money bus: you or your mindset?

What is a mindset? It’s defined by Merriam-Webster as “a mental attitude or inclination, a fixed state of mind” and by Wikipedia as “a mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person.” I, however, define it as “a belief that may or may not be a truth.”

Mindsets are powerful and often make decisions for you.  

Let’s use a silly example. If you have a mindset – a set of beliefs and attitudes – that dogs make the perfect pet, you may avoid, spend less time with, or not invite over someone who has a mindset that cats are the only good pet. You may wonder, “How could someone prefer cats to dogs?!” You may send them articles about the joys of puppy ownership in order to passively influence them to come over to your mindset. You may post memes about ways that dogs are better than cats! You might get a second dog, even though you weren’t really ready to do so, in order to prove your mindset is right.

Sure, this example is a bit ridiculous, but did it resonate? We want to notice and appreciate ways that a mindset can influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you see here, a mindset may drive the bus.  

A money mindset has a similar definition: a belief or a set of beliefs about money that may or may not be a truth.  

Have you ever taken a money mindset quiz? There are several out there. What did you think about your results? Take a moment to find a quiz and take it if you want. Then, write down a few sentences about how the results feel to you.  

I have expanded on this idea in the Money Mindset Shift course. I want to do more than just help you identify your mindsets; I want to help you make shifts in your money mindset to better serve you. I want you to be driving that proverbial bus!

Want to take a peek inside the Money Mindset Shift course? 

Here’s a look at one common money mindset and tips to shift it.

The Scarcity Mindset

Living in a Scarcity Mindset means it feels like there will never be enough. It can make the world feel like a terrifying place. Someone operating in a Scarcity Mindset may sacrifice their relationships for a fleeting sense of security—their feeling of scarcity is so great that they can’t see past their immediate needs. Existing in this mindset for a long period of time can leave people feeling deprived and can foster fear, leading to anxiety and insecurity. 

“In the mindset of scarcity, our relationship with money is an expression of fear.” 

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

People who have a  highly-rigid brain chemistry may tend towards a Scarcity Mindset about money. I recall clients expressing that they couldn’t afford something when they in fact had thousands of dollars in savings. Their instinct to not use resources — whether that meant not spending money or perhaps not eating food — was grounded in fear and shame rather than reality. 

→ Someone takes the first job they’re offered even if they’re incredibly overqualified. They feel it might be the last paycheck they’ll ever receive!

→ Someone doesn’t know when they’ll get another opportunity to eat a special or “forbidden” food, so they eat every morsel on their plate. 

→ Someone buys toilet paper every time they’re in the grocery store (whether or not they already have some at home) because the store may be out next week. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Compassion-Based Mindset: Sufficiency

The complement of the Scarcity Mindset is the Sufficiency Mindset. Someone operating from this context may think, “I can trust myself to meet my needs.” They may feel confident that there will be enough to go around. They may even realize that they won’t have everything they’ll ever want—and that’s ok. They’ll have enough. 

“Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough.”

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

When we are able to live from the energy of sufficiency, we can see problems as learning opportunities, fears as messages instead of promises, and limits as creative guides. This energy helps us move from many all-or-nothing thoughts based in scarcity – from a thought like “I can never succeed” to “This path isn’t working for me, but I can trust that I’ll find another option.” 

→ Someone shifts from thinking “I can’t be happy until I make more money” to “I keep thinking I need to make more money no matter how much I have—I wonder what I can learn from this cycle.” 

→ Someone turns down a job because they didn’t feel valued, weren’t offered enough money, or knew they could find a better fit.  

→ Someone stops eating when they’re full, even if there’s plenty of food left on their plate, because they trust that they can sufficiently and consistently satisfy their hunger. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Journal Prompt: Shifting from Scarcity to Sufficiency

The first step to shift from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Sufficiency is increasing awareness of your current thoughts. Pull out your journal and think back to a time this week when you said or thought, “I can’t afford that” or “Only rich people do that.” Reflect on how that felt. 

Then ask yourself, “Is this statement a belief or a truth?” As always, remember to approach this answer with compassionate curiosity and nonjudgement. 

Typically, when faced with this question, we realize that it’s a belief that we can’t afford to purchase something. What we’re really saying is something like, “I’m not willing to trade for that.” 

Now, revisit the situation where you felt scarcity and try reframing your statement. Instead of saying “I can’t afford that,” ask yourself, “Am I willing to trade my time and money for that?” 

As you find yourself in this Scarcity Mindset over the next week, pull out your journal and reflect on how it feels to reframe these limiting statements into curious ones. 

Your money mindset may be defining your own ideas of financial success.

It may even be getting in the way of defining financial success or deciding that financial success is only for other people. Here are a few journal prompts for you to explore your money mindset:

• How would you define your money mindset?
• Have you ever written a definition of it?
  • Do it now.
  • Read it a few times. Is it your definition or someone else’s?
• Does your money mindset limit your definition of success? How so?

If this topic resonates with you, consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course!

The post The Impact of Your Money Mindset on Your Financial Success appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Money promises sound so good at the time, right? Promises like:

“I will get this organized and never fail again!” 

“I will get this debt paid off and never go into debt again!”

“I will get my s%!# together and never struggle again!”

I have made these kinds of money promises to myself – and you have too. 

I have broken them – just like you. In fact, we usually break them or see them break down within a day, month, or even a few months. Why? Because they aren’t promises; they are magical thoughts. Plans based on magical thoughts aren’t sustainable. No judgment here, because magical promises feel so good in the moment! If they didn’t, we wouldn’t repeat the cycle.

Before we go on, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath. There is NO judgment here. I  want to take a closer look at the impact of your broken money promises so you  can begin to heal.  I am here with you. For real, no judgment. I imagine that’s a new approach for you and your money relationship!

Now, let’s dig into the cycle of broken money promises. 

You know what I am talking about. When a “promise” includes an absolute like never/always, it’s really a magical thought. It requires knowing the future and having a crystal ball, right? It’s ok if this idea feels familiar! We do it because it feels soothing at the time.

The more magical the promise and the more perfection-loaded the promise, the more likely it will crack. And with money, the cracks can show up quickly. Whether it’s 24 hours, 30 days, or 6 months, the statements below will begin to creep in:

• “Oh I forgot about this one last purchase I need to use the credit card for.”
• “Cuss! Cuss! We just paid off all our debt, and now, the air conditioner broke!”
• “Yikes, I forgot about this bill, and now, my budget is all messed up.”
• “Cuss word! I did the math wrong, and I can’t pay for that bill!”
• “I spent hours last weekend working on money. I need a weekend off!”
• “Ugh! I just want to enjoy this vacation. I will think about money stuff later.”

Ok, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath – yes, another one. We’re going to start looking at these events differently. This is the financial therapy approach. This is the start of your Money Mindset Shift. Remember: The shift starts with scoops of compassion, understanding, kindness – and increased awareness.

Let’s start by increasing your awareness about the money stress you feel.

In my opinion, “stress” is a busy (and even overused) word. It is used to describe money A LOT! There are many kinds of money stress though.  Each type can have its own kind of remedy, so you want to get clear on what is trapping you into the cycle of money stress.

Types of money stress can be connected to different fears, such as:

• Fear of failure, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of being “found out” again, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of dropping a ball/forgetting something crucial, which fuels constant vigilance and shows up as repetitive thoughts/list making
• Belief that you are “bad” and shouldn’t even try, which fuels avoidance and can show up as distraction
• Belief that you are “bad” and should try even harder, which fuels (you guessed it!) more hypervigilance and can show up as repetitive/intrusive thoughts/list making and/or feeling like you are “always behind”

Did any of these ideas connect for you? Get more specific about the stress you are feeling and how it is showing up in your life. Use the companion journal page/prompts to paint a clearer picture of what you’re really feeling when “I am so stressed about money” pops into your thoughts. Let’s see what you notice.

Chances are, you’ve wondered why you continue to struggle with broken money promises. Why does the cycle repeat? 

You may have even asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?!” It’s a good question to ask but difficult to answer. Let’s consider a few reasons why the money stress cycle repeats.  

First, remember that the magical promise feels good. Maybe you have experienced this sensation when you “finally” clean out the garage, the pantry, or a closet. You want it to never get messy again, right? And you feel relief when you promise to keep it protected and untouched. Maybe you invest in a nice velvet rope to keep the family out (wink, wink).

Regardless of your intentions, it rarely stays that way. It starts small – with one pair of shoes or a few extra bags of chips leftover from a party. You know the drill! Because the “new order of cleanliness” was built on a kind of time-binge, you don’t have regular time available to attend to it.  

So how do you stop this cycle when it’s related to money stress?  

It is so similar! Begin by compassionately admitting to yourself that it will stay imperfect. Yes, money stuff is never perfect. Yup, I know you wanted it to be. Big sigh.  

Next, create more awareness and less avoidance. You want to ultimately build a system that keeps you able to see what’s going on. But before you can get to this system, it’s crucial to explore what motivates any avoidance. We can do this together in the Money Mindset Shift.

Notice if you shift into “fight, flight, or freeze” when it comes to your money interactions.  This response means you’re stuck in the cycle. First, you make the big promise. Then, when it starts to crumble, you either turn up the obsessive thoughts and number crunching or turn the volume down to zero and make money decisions out of deep avoidance. Or you just watch 10 more episodes of your favorite show. Either way, you are re-acting, and we want to shift things so that you are pro-acting. With this new approach, you can relax when things happen in life because you have an adjustable plan.  

To close, let’s consider some scripts to change your internal dialog and decrease the cycle of broken money promises.

Go from [your repeated pattern] > to [a new way of thinking and acting]

From “I will never use my credit card again.” to “I will wait four days before using my credit card for a purchase that will increase my debt to foster pausing in my spending decisions.”

From “I will never eat out again.” to “I will keep some money set aside for a nurturing dining out meal and foster planning as a part of my spending..

From “I will save all of my next bonus check.” to “I will make a plan to put a percentage of my bonus towards savings and a percentage towards joy to foster balance in my spending.”

From “I will never loan money to friends again.” to “I will commit to a four-step accountability practice to slow my roll when a friend seems to need my money.”

Ready for your own shifts in your money mindset? Discover the first 3 steps today!

The post Locked in a Loop of Broken Money Promises? Why The Cycle of Money Stress Keeps Happening appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

As we enter the last quarter of the year (!), it’s important for small business owners to get grounded in their own numbers and identify their money milestones. Maybe you want to wrap up a project and ensure that you have time for a new one come January. Maybe your focus is hitting your annual revenue goal. Or maybe you just want to see how 2021 compares to the ups-and-downs of 2020. Whatever the reason, it’s normal to feel some pressure to finish on a high note before the holidays. 

So what do you need in order to meet your money milestones? Let’s take a look at some financial therapy tools that have worked wonders for other small business owners!

Know Your Numbers

I know it may seem like a no-brainer, but it isn’t uncommon for a small business owner to experience avoidance, overwhelm, guilt, or shame when trying to get closer to their numbers. Think about the following questions:

• Do you know your monthly expenses? 
• Do you know how much you make each month? 
• What are your periodic expenses for the year, divided over 12 months? 

Although it may be emotional, using this opportunity to get closer to your money has long-lasting, positive effects, including increased confidence and security in your business. Do you feel like you already have these elements locked in? Consider the 50-30-20 budget rule for your business versus your personal expenses. As a driven professional, this exercise can be a thought-provoking way to heal your relationship to money.

Rename Your Accounts

It’s amazing to see the shifts that happen when business owners rename their accounts to something that has more emotional buy-in. How different would it feel to see a savings account named “Vacation to Hawaii” or an account that says “Dream Home” when putting money aside each month? How would it feel to rename a credit card to “Life-Changing Trip to Italy” rather than “Credit Card Debt?” This simple but powerful pivot in how we think and feel about our money can make all the difference in staying committed to our savings goals or our debt reduction plan. 

Talk About Money

This tip may seem strange, and yet, talking about money continues to be a taboo conversation for many people. Maybe it was discouraged in your family. Maybe it leads to a visceral reaction to talk about money with your partner, spouse, or business partner, which has caused fighting in the past. However, in order to heal your money story, you have to get close to it and talk about it. 

To be clear, I’m not suggesting you go around saying, “I can’t afford ______.” That’s a self-limiting belief that we have all been caught saying to ourselves. I’m talking about taking the power out of money by making it a more casual conversation. Perhaps it’s celebrating a milestone with a colleague you trust. Or having what Bari Tessler calls a Money Date with your partner or spouse to check in on your goals. 

Revisit Your Money Milestones Monthly

Lastly, once you start the work of knowing your numbers, don’t forget about them! The work of money healing is not a one-and-done process. You have to check-in once in a while. So what would it be like to schedule a money date with yourself? Some ideas include: 

• Running a P&L for your business 
• Reviewing your bank statements to see what you made this month 
• Utilizing a tool like TillerHQ, MoneyGrit., or YNAB, all of which give you a snapshot of your month 

There are plenty of possibilities here, so discover what works for you and go for it.

Master Your Money Workgroup

I hope these tools are as impactful for you as they’ve been for other brave small business owners who wished to redefine their wealth, worth, and work-life balance. These ideas are just the tip of the iceberg of what financial therapy can offer.

If you feel inspired, intimidated, or just want the accountability of doing this work with someone who can offer the safe space and compassion to create a difference, consider joining our upcoming Master Your Money workgroup, set to begin in January 2022. This six-month program involves one 90-minute session per month with expert guidance and one-on-one help. During this workgroup, you’ll learn how to get out of debt, save money, grow your practice, and gain financial freedom. Plus, you’ll be working with a supportive group of entrepreneurs like yourself, all using your newfound knowledge and tools to bring about real change to your businesses. 

Khara Croswaite Brindle is a Certified Financial Therapist-Level I Professional and a contracted therapist with Financial Therapy Solutions.

I hope you’ll join us for the upcoming Master Your Money workgroup and start the new year strong! You can reach out to wendy@financialtherapysolutions.com with questions.

The post Meeting Your Money Milestones appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

The phrase “unprecedented times” keeps popping up for me as I ponder the events that will define 2020 for all of us. Events – and the lack of events – surround us that are new in so many ways. However, there is an element you have seen before, and that is your own coping style.

What I find helpful here is pausing, taking a breath, and allowing yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment.

This can be an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. This can be an element that brings comfort (such as settling into a favorite chair with a book,) or fear (such as seeing yourself engaging in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, etc.) If you are familiar with my blogs or articles – or in session with me – I hope you hear this approach 100s of times.

I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much you begin to predict that I am about to say it! That would be amazing!

increase understanding with compassionate curiosity

Try it on and notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior: a transaction, or a conversation that troubled you. Reflect upon it first with that inner critic that judges you.

Then, take an intentional breath and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice 3 or 4 things about that event in an energy of non-judgment. What often happens is there is more room to gain insight, breathe more fully, and create space for change.

It is in that spirit that I am taking this time to bring to you a special 5 day journey through my foundational practice to create space for healing, which I call “Breathe, Intend, Move.”

This series is built on prompts to promote healing in your money story, and it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus by practicing compassionate curiosity.

[Learn More About My 5 Day Guide Here!]

compassionate curiosity is a routine, not a cure

Perhaps you are craving healing and change in your relationship with food, or with people in your life you love.

Feel free to add in your own prompts using your own life experience as the base. And looking at your money life with a therapeutic lens is a new experience, then definitely use these prompts as written. This could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based, and maybe embarrassing relationship with money.

My hope is that this helps you deepen your exploration into your experience, increase your kindness to yourself and others, and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life.

If you feel ready to deepen the experience with sessions, you can book directly here.

I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my own spirit. The impact has been real, and measurable. I encourage you to try.

Warmly,
Wendy

The post the power of compassionate curiosity appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

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The post the impact of Decision Styles on our Money and Food Lives appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

So, let me define a “Decision Making Disorder”. After working to bridge the gap of understanding, or lack of understanding, between clients, families, couples, for years, I realized we needed a better common language.

my clients

Clients come to because they “can’t stop fighting about money” or because they “don’t understand why she just won’t eat!” I noticed a connection, an underlying mystery driver… decisions. There are layers upon layers of thoughts and feelings that go into behaviors like eating or financial disorders. When we don’t understand these layers, we miss the hidden meaning entirely. These layers make up our “decision matrix”.

I began to discuss the following idea: What if we look at this as a decision making disorder, because everyone makes decisions.

the common factor

We make decisions all day, every day. Recent research suggests we make around 35,000 decisions each day! Imagine how your day goes if most of these decisions have the emotional intensity to either make or break your day, your year, even your life. Whether it’s a decision about food or finances – both can become external measures that can be used to manage internal shame and fear.

You sit down to a meal and announce, “I am going on a diet tomorrow,” in order to passively convey to the table that you know you are making “a mistake by eating”. You walk into the store and tell your friend, “I am just going to look around,” when you know you already plan to buy new shoes. Fear of judgment, fear of failure, insecurity about how someone else will perceive our choices, can spark a lot of decision anxiety.

Then, we go to great lengths to either make the “right” decision or avoid a decision completely. Until we are aware of our own decision matrix, we run through the “if this, then that” scenarios, we may puzzle ourselves as to why we are repeating behavior patterns.

Therapy is the work that steps in between the “I want to do this,” and “Why did I do that again!” It provides space to identify what keeps getting in the way – because its a judgment free zone.

a universal approach to disorders

When I brought this more universal experience, decision making, to the conversation, I got head nods and “Oh! That helps make some sense of it!” This helps shift the focus from “Should he eat carbs?” or “Do I need to make a special meal for them so they will eat something at all?” to what is really going on.

This can help move the conversation away from “Is debt good or bad?” or “How do I save money when I am always running out?” to the deeper issues underlying the outward questions. This helps to decrease some of the shame. It also opens space for each person’s decision matrix to be made known. It creates connection and empathy too.

This is what I mean when I say that it’s not about the money or the food. It’s so much more! Book a call today to explore your decision matrix.

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