The phrase “unprecedented times” keeps popping up for me as I ponder the events that will define 2020 for all of us. Events – and the lack of events – surround us that are new in so many ways. However, there is an element you have seen before, and that is your own coping style.

What I find helpful here is pausing, taking a breath, and allowing yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment.

This can be an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. This can be an element that brings comfort (such as settling into a favorite chair with a book,) or fear (such as seeing yourself engaging in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, etc.) If you are familiar with my blogs or articles – or in session with me – I hope you hear this approach 100s of times.

I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much you begin to predict that I am about to say it! That would be amazing!

increase understanding with compassionate curiosity

Try it on and notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior: a transaction, or a conversation that troubled you. Reflect upon it first with that inner critic that judges you.

Then, take an intentional breath and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice 3 or 4 things about that event in an energy of non-judgment. What often happens is there is more room to gain insight, breathe more fully, and create space for change.

It is in that spirit that I am taking this time to bring to you a special 5 day journey through my foundational practice to create space for healing, which I call “Breathe, Intend, Move.”

This series is built on prompts to promote healing in your money story, and it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus by practicing compassionate curiosity.

[Learn More About My 5 Day Guide Here!]

compassionate curiosity is a routine, not a cure

Perhaps you are craving healing and change in your relationship with food, or with people in your life you love.

Feel free to add in your own prompts using your own life experience as the base. And looking at your money life with a therapeutic lens is a new experience, then definitely use these prompts as written. This could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based, and maybe embarrassing relationship with money.

My hope is that this helps you deepen your exploration into your experience, increase your kindness to yourself and others, and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life.

If you feel ready to deepen the experience with sessions, you can book directly here.

I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my own spirit. The impact has been real, and measurable. I encourage you to try.

Warmly,
Wendy

The post the power of compassionate curiosity appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

So, let me define a “Decision Making Disorder”. After working to bridge the gap of understanding, or lack of understanding, between clients, families, couples, for years, I realized we needed a better common language.

my clients

Clients come to because they “can’t stop fighting about money” or because they “don’t understand why she just won’t eat!” I noticed a connection, an underlying mystery driver… decisions. There are layers upon layers of thoughts and feelings that go into behaviors like eating or financial disorders. When we don’t understand these layers, we miss the hidden meaning entirely. These layers make up our “decision matrix”.

I began to discuss the following idea: What if we look at this as a decision making disorder, because everyone makes decisions.

the common factor

We make decisions all day, every day. Recent research suggests we make around 35,000 decisions each day! Imagine how your day goes if most of these decisions have the emotional intensity to either make or break your day, your year, even your life. Whether it’s a decision about food or finances – both can become external measures that can be used to manage internal shame and fear.

You sit down to a meal and announce, “I am going on a diet tomorrow,” in order to passively convey to the table that you know you are making “a mistake by eating”. You walk into the store and tell your friend, “I am just going to look around,” when you know you already plan to buy new shoes. Fear of judgment, fear of failure, insecurity about how someone else will perceive our choices, can spark a lot of decision anxiety.

Then, we go to great lengths to either make the “right” decision or avoid a decision completely. Until we are aware of our own decision matrix, we run through the “if this, then that” scenarios, we may puzzle ourselves as to why we are repeating behavior patterns.

Therapy is the work that steps in between the “I want to do this,” and “Why did I do that again!” It provides space to identify what keeps getting in the way – because its a judgment free zone.

a universal approach to disorders

When I brought this more universal experience, decision making, to the conversation, I got head nods and “Oh! That helps make some sense of it!” This helps shift the focus from “Should he eat carbs?” or “Do I need to make a special meal for them so they will eat something at all?” to what is really going on.

This can help move the conversation away from “Is debt good or bad?” or “How do I save money when I am always running out?” to the deeper issues underlying the outward questions. This helps to decrease some of the shame. It also opens space for each person’s decision matrix to be made known. It creates connection and empathy too.

This is what I mean when I say that it’s not about the money or the food. It’s so much more! Book a call today to explore your decision matrix.

The post What is a “Decision Making Disorder”? appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.