This post is part three of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

Check out part one for an in-depth look at The Great Wealth Transfer and part two for a focus on common pain points and strategies for success. 

Devon logged into their discovery call with Wendy Wright, a financial therapist, feeling both hope and trepidation. They were excited to hear that something like financial therapy existed, but they had no idea what it was or if it could help. They recently sold a business and received their payout last week. Seven million dollars! And they’ll receive a similar payout annually in the coming years. 

Devon has never had this much money. Historically, they struggled with credit card debt and lived a paycheck-to-paycheck life. They experienced the cycle of debt, paying it off in large chunks, promising to never go into debt again, and then finding themselves in the same situation. 

They also hated their relationship with money — which sparked their business idea. They built an app to help people barter for goods and services to avoid money. The app took off, and soon, Devon faced several buyout offers. They accepted this particular offer not because it was the highest but because the buyer seemed most aligned with their vision. 

So today, when the first installment hit their bank, Devon was stunned. They are glad to have a chance to talk through their feelings with a financial therapist.

In my years of experience working with clients in financial therapy sessions, I know solidly where to start. 

In helping define my Signature Financial Therapy Approach, I created 10 Principles of Financial Therapy ©, knowing that the first principle — Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment — must come first.

We start here because it’s the best way to wipe the slate clean and allow for assumptions, old stories, and past hurts to be put aside. Money words, financial tactics, expert opinions, our parents’ words and actions…all of these influences live in your brain with certain meanings and intensities. They block your ability to move into your own money story — what I call “owning your money.”

A transfer of wealth often includes messaging from the giver, or from your “family of origin” (that’s therapist-speak for your mom, dad, siblings, grandma, grandpa, or other significant family members). These messages are often more subconscious than overtly conscious. 

Consider this example. Growing up, my family always used a grocery bag — the old school paper kind — for kitchen trash, kept under the sink. So that is what I did. Was this right or wrong? Nope, it’s morally neutral. I can remember going to a friend’s house where they had a stand alone larger trash can with plastic bags in it. Was this right or wrong? Nope, again, morally neutral. 

This is a silly example, but I hope to show that we grow up with ideas of how things are supposed to be because of our limited sample size. When we want to shift our relationship to money, it’s important to start by realizing that your money beliefs may or may not be true. This is why we look back and identify our money past — not to hang blame somewhere but to gain context and understanding. Then, we can start to build our own money path.

Now, let’s apply this idea to a wealth transfer.  

It’s important to give yourself grace as you enter into the adjustment period and shift your perspective on money. Charlene Laney, CFP, and Josh Dunlop, CFP, CDFA, wealth advisors and the founders of NewMaker Financial, explain it this way:

“When a financial reality dawns on us that we aren’t experienced in handling, there is an adjustment period. We see it all the time: Clients rack up a lot of unmanageable debt on that first credit card and overspend their first paychecks. Adjusting is just a normal part of life. The problem with an inheritance is that it can be largely spent before that adjustment has time to occur. Add in the tendency to emotionally spend as you process grief, and you have a recipe for a potential disaster. Being intentional with your inheritance is the best thing you can do.”

One of the biggest issues around a wealth transfer lies in the communication. Ramit Sethi speaks to this truth, saying, “It’s common for wealthy parents to leave an estate with no clear inheritance plan, and it’s always a disaster. Kids fight over the house and never talk again. Make a plan and discuss it with your kids while you’re alive. It’s not morbid; it’s planning.”

Ashley Agnew, the current president of the Financial Therapy Association, shares a similar sentiment: “Money can feel like the family member who no one talks about but is controlling everything.”

To help create clarity in communication, I created this matrix of the common kinds of communication that we find about wealth transfers.

You may have experienced several kinds of bridges across this matrix. For Devon, the wealth was just recently “expected” (so previously “unexpected”), alongside an absence of discussion. For Sarina (in part one of this series), the wealth transfer was “unexpected” and “not discussed,” so the level of shock is real! And for Maria (in part two of this series), wealth in her family was “sort of expected” and “sort of discussed.” I call this “sort of” because the communication around resources was not clear or designed to build confidence. Instead, it was meant to discourage, put down, and shame the receiver.

I also love the way that Megan deBoer, founder of Tended Wealth, explains the impact of unexpected wealth:

“Often, a recipient of unexpected wealth feels as though they haven’t earned it and therefore take longer to feel worthy of having it. This response, if unacknowledged, can lead to an unconscious rejection of it. This is typically expressed across a spectrum: on one end, not taking ownership of the wealth and only using small amounts in ways that Grandma would approve, and on the other end, liquidating the wealth rapidly to alleviate the uncomfortable feeling of being undeserving of it.”

Every combination on the communication matrix can trigger stress, anxiety, and confusion. 

These emotions often lead to behaviors like avoidance, grasping for guidance from the Internet, or pushing money away by spending, giving, or gambling. When we pause and name the existing communication pattern, we can then identify the desired communication pattern. This practice often involves words like clear, wise, and communication-enhancing. In financial therapy, we start with changing your communication to yourself. This step is so key in building a mindful and meditative relationship with your money!

You may be thinking, “But if so and so would just ______, then this wouldn’t be so hard.” And yes, you may be right. With that thought in mind, we also work on processing your grief around the communication that you didn’t get. This act is part of the healing process that I like to call “money work.” 

Once you have allowed space to grieve what did or didn’t happen, we can move forward to your vision, your relationship to money, and your desired communication patterns. If you stay stuck in the belief that someone “should have” talked to you, prepared you, or cared about you, you may struggle to energetically access the wealth, own the resources, and make your own decisions about the money.

Another key principle of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy© comes into play here: Take the Money Word Out of the Sentence and Deepen What You Are Trying to Say.

This strategy helps you begin to write the story that you want your money to tell.  Let’s look at a few examples:

• “I don’t want this money” can mean “I don’t want this connection to my dad. He hurt me!” or “I don’t want this responsibility. It terrifies me!” or “I don’t deserve it.”
• “If I give this money to my kids, they will be entitled brats!” can mean “If I give this easy access to resources to my kids, they will be selfish and have no values” or “If I give them this big bucket of more than enough, they won’t learn how to save their resources.”
• “If my partner gets this inheritance, it will ruin them” can mean “If my partner has more than enough money, they won’t need me.”

You get the idea. For this principle, we want to identify the underlying fears, desires, and beliefs  driving your reaction. Taking out the money word is a great tool to help open up your mind to the deeper truth.

To close, let’s keep these three ideas in mind as we revisit Devon’s story.

• Communication is key to enhancing your money life.
• You don’t have to do it alone! A financial therapist is a safe and supportive person to add to your Financial A-Team.
• Uncover subconscious beliefs so that you can find your own money path and story.

The call went well! Devon was, at first, a bit teary just naming the events that took place and the dollar amounts. They felt seen and heard by someone who understands the psychology of money. They mentioned to Wendy that the first thing they wanted to do was pay off their credit cards and other debts. 

Wendy didn’t offer judgment, rules, or a strict approach. Instead, she supported the idea of Devon taking a few days to Breathe, allowing their new bank balance and money landscape to sink in. Wendy encouraged them to put the money in a safe place and then gave Devon some specific journal exercises to do to help them absorb the change. Although they were shocked at this first step, they felt relief that they didn’t have to rush forward.

In part four of this series (the final blog post), I will show you how applying these principles works in real time for Sarina, Maria, and Devon. In the meantime, click here for more supportive resources and additional help. If you’re ready for individualized support, book a free discovery call now!

The post Part Three: How Financial Therapy Helps with Wealth Transfer Dynamics appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach

This post is part two of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Check out part one for an in-depth look at The Great Wealth Transfer! 

Now 45, Maria had always been meticulous with her finances. For years, she’d worked long hours as an accountant, scrimped on luxuries, and carefully deposited every spare penny into her savings account. Maria craved someone to talk to about finances and wealth, but her father, Luis, shut her down with shaming comments whenever she tried to ask for advice. He often responded with comments like, “If you don’t understand that by now, you’re stupid and hopeless.” 

Luis also drilled into her that money was a double-edged sword. “It corrupts the soul,” he’d say, “turns people greedy and cruel. Beware of its pull.” In the same breath, he’d threaten to withhold her inheritance if she disappointed him in any way. The tension between her hard-earned savings and her father’s unpredictable threats created a constant inner conflict. She worked with a quiet resolve, never allowing herself the luxuries she sometimes dreamed of, and maintaining a frugal lifestyle despite her substantial savings.

One August morning, Maria received a letter in the mail. The envelope was formal, with the crisp logo of a law firm embossed in gold. Her heart raced as she slit it open, revealing a letter that would change everything. Her uncle Diego, her father’s estranged brother, had passed away and left her a surprising inheritance of $600,000.00.

The news hit Maria like a bolt of lightning. She stared at the figure in disbelief. “An overnight millionaire,” she whispered, her mind reeling as she added the new sum to her current net worth of $800,000.00. The sum was staggering, enough to transform her life forever. Her initial excitement quickly gave way to a wave of anxiety. What did this mean for her carefully cultivated beliefs about money? Would this inheritance “ruin” her and make her greedy? 

With no one to talk to about her fears, her feelings became overwhelming. Embarrassment at having a million dollars (!) and not knowing what to do next. Fear of losing it or doing something stupid with it. Relief at having a solid financial base at her age. Happiness to receive such a special gift. Grief at the loss of her uncle, a man she knew well and loved very much. Shame and guilt at having more financial resources than her friends. Loneliness due to the lack of a support system and a safe space to share these thoughts. 

As shown in the story above, wealth transfer is a topic fraught with complexities and emotional challenges, which are often overshadowed by the allure of financial success.

As families prepare to pass on their fortunes, the process can become a significant burden rather than the blessing it is often envisioned to be. In part one of this blog series, I shared some surprising statistics related to the high percentage of wealth lost from generation to generation. It can often be traced back to a lack of effective communication about money and wealth transfer. 

The person receiving the transfer usually wants to talk to the giver about their financial situation, but unfortunately, this individual isn’t trained in or skilled enough to do so. There is no shame or judgment in that! It’s important to allow space to grieve that that person isn’t going to be your support system. When this grief is avoided or delayed instead of adequately processed, subconscious behaviors begin to push the money (and the burden of the money) away. This alarming trend underscores the need for effective strategies and thoughtful planning to ensure that wealth transfer doesn’t just become a passing moment but a lasting legacy.

With these thoughts in mind, let’s dive into three key pain points related to wealth transfer dynamics.

Communication Breakdown

One of the most common pain points in wealth transfer is communication. The effectiveness of communication can drastically impact how smoothly the process unfolds. Unfortunately, many families experience issues in this area, such as:

• Zero communication: In some cases, there is a complete lack of communication about the wealth transfer plan, leaving beneficiaries unprepared and confused.
• Shaming communication: When communication does occur, it can sometimes involve shaming or judgment, creating a hostile environment rather than one that fosters understanding and collaboration.
• Mystery communication: Vague comments — such as, “You will be fine when I’m gone,” or “There is money heading your way later” — often add to the confusion of wealth transfer dynamics. 

Effective communication strategies include regular family meetings and clear documentation of plans. Ultimately, all involved individuals should engage in open, respectful discussions about expectations and responsibilities. In financial therapy sessions, I often help clients find new ways to communicate about money. We develop supportive wording, clear ways for setting goals, and effective ways to listen. The third blog post of this series takes a deeper dive into how my signature financial therapy approach helps increase satisfaction in money talk.

With these thoughts in mind, I want to end this section with a quote from an Ellevest article about communication and generational wealth:

“It’s easy to point to communication as the solution to all intergenerational issues, but it’s harder to actually talk effectively. Family meetings alone won’t get you there. In reality, discussing wealth across generations is like having a conversation in different languages. And sometimes, these issues can bring up a lot of emotion, which can make communication harder.”

Grief and Emotional Processing

The emotional aspect of wealth transfer cannot be overstated. Grief from losing a loved one or facing major changes in family dynamics (like divorce or the loss of a primary provider) can significantly impact the process. It typically takes two to five years for individuals to fully grieve, and during this period, both short-term and long-term planning are essential.

• Short-term planning: This step involves addressing immediate needs and concerns. First, the receiver must get the resources into a safe and insured basic growth account. Next, it’s important to settle estates, manage immediate financial issues, and support family members through the initial shock.
• Long-term planning: Here, it’s important to establish new financial goals, revisit and update estate plans, and provide ongoing emotional support to help individuals adapt to their new circumstances.

Financial therapy sessions, grief counseling, and support groups can be valuable resources during this transitional period.

Safety and Confidentiality

Ensuring the safety of sensitive information is another crucial aspect of wealth transfer. Knowing who is trustworthy and safe to discuss matters with is vital. There is a new term you may have heard: a Financial A-Team. It’s no surprise that I encourage you to start with a financial therapist. In financial therapy sessions, you have a safe and non-judging place to talk about who you want on your Financial A-Team. Oftentimes, I will help clients practice talking to financial professionals to reduce sensations of shame, intimidation, and anxiety and increase confidence and clarity.

The Financial A-Team is important, and we want it to feel safe and supportive. If you feel any level of inability to talk freely with a member of your A-Team, that is a clue to make a change. Think about who is on your Financial A-Team. It can include financial advisors/planners, tax accountants, bankers, and more.

Additionally, individuals must safeguard their personal and financial information from potential breaches. This involves secure communication channels and careful consideration of who is privy to sensitive details. Implementing robust confidentiality measures and ensuring that all involved parties are committed to maintaining privacy can prevent complications.

Although the process of wealth transfer can be daunting, understanding and addressing these common pain points helps to pave the way for a smoother transition.

By focusing on effective communication, emotional support, and safety, families can better manage the complexities of transferring wealth and ensure that their legacy endures for generations to come. 

Stay tuned for part three, where we consider how financial therapy can help with wealth transfer dynamics. Click here for more supportive resources and additional help. If you’re ready for individualized support, book a free discovery call now!

The post Part Two: Navigating the Complexities of Wealth Transfer appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

This post is part one of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Sarina’s hands trembled as she clutched the phone, stunned by the news she had just received. The lawyer’s voice was steady and professional, but she could barely grasp his words: She had inherited one million dollars. 

The weight of the announcement sank in slowly, each second stretching as her mind raced through possibilities. She looked around her modest apartment, imagining what this sudden windfall could mean for her future. Overwhelmed and elated, Sarina felt as though she was living in a dream. Her life just changed dramatically, and she struggled to process the enormity of it all.

Sarina just experienced a wealth transfer — one that was both unexpected and not discussed.

After this life-changing news, she is left to figure out her next steps on her own. And she’s not alone. In fact, over the next two decades, the biggest wave of wealth in history is going to pass from Baby Boomers in the United States, and it’s going to have major impacts on many facets of life. Called the Great Wealth Transfer, 84 trillion dollars is poised to move from older Americans to Gen X and millennials. According to Sallie Krawcheck, the CEO of Ellevest, women specifically are on their way to having the majority of wealth in America. 

To better understand this idea of wealth transfer, think about the popular Netflix show Bridgerton. Do you notice all of the money stories threading through each episode — or is that just me, your favorite money story nerd? These storylines are, in part, about the flow of generational wealth. Each character develops their own relationship with wealth and their own strategy for managing it. Some individuals must learn to handle wealth that they inherited and never imagined. On the flip side, some must learn to manage a lack of wealth, while others have to overcome the lack of avenues for building their own secure financial base.  

What comes up for you when you hear the word “wealth” or read about the Great Wealth Transfer? If you have mixed feelings or scattered thoughts, you’re in good company. Wealth is one of the most emotional money terms. And wealth transfer — well, you can probably tell by your reaction that it’s an emotional bucket full! According to recent research, 80 percent of recipients consider wealth to be a burden; 10 percent count it as a blessing; and 10 percent are undecided (Brandon Rains; The Rains Law Firm, LLC).

Let’s dig a little deeper into the concept of wealth.

Technically, wealth refers to plentiful resources, an abundance or overflow. When applied to finances, it means having more than enough. Note that I am purposefully not connecting this idea to dollar amounts. This post isn’t about math; instead, we are highlighting the mindset and emotions around wealth.  

If you’ve lived with a lifestyle and a mindset of scarcity — the belief that there is “never enough” — a wealth transfer can be incredibly hard to grasp. Suddenly, there is more than enough. Yet, your scarcity mindset, deeply ingrained into your neural pathways, will quickly find reasons why it still isn’t enough. With that belief screaming loud in your mind, behaviors will follow. You may experience deep fears around spending the money or losing it. You may want to ignore it or avoid investing it because just thinking about it makes you so uncomfortable. 

The same idea holds true if you already have enough money and then someone transfers more to you. Now, you have more than enough, which can be problematic in a new way. You may refuse to check your bank balances or avoid setting up meetings with financial planners or advisors. You may not even want to talk about it with close friends or family members. You may also adopt behaviors to “push” the wealth away, like spending, gambling, or giving. These are not true, value-led, mindful choice-based behavior. They are meant to serve as a way to get rid of your wealth in order to get rid of the feelings bubbling up. 

Now that we’ve defined wealth, let’s look closer at wealth transfer.

Wealth transfer is a giving; it’s moving money from one person to another. It’s also a receiving — something that suddenly comes into your life, either expected or unexpected. The transfer of wealth takes many forms, including a one-time inheritance, lifetime gifting plans, divorce  settlements, insurance pay-outs, income from a business or property sale, lottery or gambling wins, and more. 

As Ashley Agnew, the current President of the Financial Therapy Association explains, if someone doesn’t feel comfortable talking about how the wealth transfer makes them feel, they will not be able to maximize the value of their wealth. Further supporting this idea, it is estimated that 70 percent of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation, while 90 percent lose it by the third generation. 

To close, let’s revisit Sarina’s wealth transfer.

Sarina’s life had always been a tightrope walk, each paycheck barely covering her bills and necessities. She was accustomed to the constant stress of making ends meet, counting every penny with meticulous care. But today, everything changed in an instant. 

When she received the call about inheriting a million dollars, the weight of her financial struggles seemed to lift off her shoulders. The relief was overwhelming but also confusing, her exhilaration swirling with her anxiety about the future. Thoughts and questions bounced around in her mind: Do I put this money in my checking account or savings account? How do I invest it? Should I hire a financial planner? How do I even get the money? I don’t know what a wire transfer is. How do I tell my friends? Will they treat me differently? 

Unsure what to do next, Sarina stood in her living room, looking at the world with new eyes, feeling a mixture of disbelief, gratitude, and confusion for her sudden turn of fate.

Stay tuned for part two, where we dive deeper into the pain points associated with a wealth transfer. Click here for more supportive resources and additional help. If you’re ready for individualized support, book a free discovery call now!

The post Part One: Understanding the Great Wealth Transfer appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

As a financial therapist, I talk with clients every day about their relationship with money. I was in session a few weeks ago with a young couple when the holidays came up.

“Ugh, the holidays,” one of them groaned. The other nodded in agreement. I watched their body language change as they slumped in their seats, defeated. I considered this reaction. It was more than not feeling excited, it was like they felt helpless. I asked, “Do you feel like a victim of the holidays?” The answer was a resounding yes.

The couple was burdened by expectation and didn’t feel in control of their spending this time of year. I’ve had several clients who feel the same way. For many of us, the holidays can feel like an obligatory financial drain. Emotionally, we may feel the weight of cultural or family expectations to be joyful all season long. By accepting these expectations as our own, we feel out of control, helpless, and victim to the holiday season.

If this strikes a chord with you, you’re not alone—and you’re not a Scrooge.

The Holiday Fairy Tale

So much of the pain we feel around the holidays (and outside of them) can be caused by the distance between our expectations and reality. My clients were trying to meet expectations they assumed their kids held. It turned out this was not necessarily true—they recognized that their kids are so young they likely didn’t have any expectations at all. We realized they were internalizing expectations that bypassed their own values.

A common cultural expectation is that the holiday season is a magical time of year, when in reality it can also be painful. Yes, it’s wonderful to see family members we haven’t seen since last year, but it can also bring up unpleasant feelings of not being seen as we are now. If we’ve lost someone we love, the holidays can be an acute reminder of their absence. On top of that, the shorter, darker days and cold, grey winter weather can put a real damper on our mood.

A common cultural expectation is that the holiday season is a magical time of year, when in reality it can also be painful.

When it comes to our finances, the holidays can stir up pressure to spend money. We might get an idea of finding the “perfect gift” for our loved ones and feel confirmation of this notion through marketing and social media. Unfortunately, this “perfect gift” doesn’t really exist.

And when we can’t find it, it’s easy to compensate by buying more or focusing on dollar amounts. We may fixate on how much we “should” spend on each person. If we can’t afford that number, we might lean on our credit cards, saddling ourselves with debt just in time for the new year and the so-called fresh start.

This tension between rosy expectations and the practical reality is incredibly common. To get past it and unburden yourself from the pain of unmet expectations, we need to get to the root of what the holidays might be stirring up for each of us.

Heal Your Holiday Story

Think back to when you were a kid or a year you felt good. What were your favorite holiday traditions? What do you remember most fondly? What made the season feel magical and warm?

Exercise #1: Write a list of what’s important to you for the holidays. Think back to those positive memories. What’s the first warm and fuzzy thing that comes into your mind when you think about the holiday season?

Now think about this holiday season. What memories do you want to create? How do you want to have spent your time and money?

Exercise #2: When you look back on this year’s holiday season, what do you want to remember? How do you want to have spent your time and money? Make a list of what you’d like to do and assign each item a dollar amount. Note that some things might cost nothing at all.

Your answers to these questions may begin to inform your values. What did you notice that might bring you the most joy? Time with family and friends? Cooking a meal with people you love? Taking a winter nature walk?

With your answers in front of you, how does it feel to put down the “shoulds” and expectations and instead focus on what will fulfill you? Letting our intuition dictate how we spend time and money can result in decisions that align more closely with our values. By focusing on what matters to us, we may be able to hear our own voice more clearly. We may even feel in our bodies what we want rather than listening to outside sources for answers.

Letting our intuition dictate how we spend time and money can result in decisions that align more closely with our values.

In doing this exercise with my clients, they’re often surprised that what fulfills them most cost little or no money. This doesn’t mean that spending money on gifts is wrong. Quite the opposite: gift-giving can be a beautiful way to show someone you know them and care about them. It can be a love language.

Intuitive Holiday Shopping

To make gift-giving a beautiful experience for you and your loved ones, approach it with curiosity and non-judgement. Rather than creating a rigid holiday budget or setting an expectation of creating the perfect holiday with a gift, continue relying on your values and intuition.

Once you’ve realized that buying things for the people you love brings you joy, you put yourself back in the driver’s seat—you’re in charge of your money rather than the other way around. By using your intuition to come up with a plan for holiday shopping, you give yourself the opportunity to maintain control and focus on gift-giving as a beautiful act of love rather than something obligatory and materialistic.

Exercise #3: Open up your accounts and take an honest look at your finances. What do you intuitively feel you can spend on the holidays this year?

You can use your plan and your intuition as you purchase, too. Instead of looking for stuff your loved ones would like online or at the mall, you can spend some time beforehand thinking about what brings them joy. Head out with specific ideas in mind for gifts and experiences they’ll love.

Above all else, remember that it’s ok to not feel happy during the entire holiday season. It’s unrealistic for us to feel on cloud nine for three months just because of the calendar, and chances are, you’re not the only one.

Wishing you all an intuitive holiday season!

The post Healing Your Holiday Story appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Did you check out the recent This is Uncomfortable podcast episode? In this episode, I was asked to help a couple struggling with a recurring money conflict. We explored how to get “unstuck” and discussed new ways to approach money topics.  

To start, the couple named their “pain point”: They keep having the same fight about money.  

They were feeling stuck. Whenever this topic came up, they would have the same fight and get nowhere. They wanted to find a resolution, a way to move forward, but couldn’t see a way out or around it. You may be nodding your head and thinking “Yes, we have so been there!” This is where financial therapy can help.  

We applied three of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©, including:

• Apply abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment.
• Take the word “money” out of the sentence.  
• Shift away from “good/bad” positioning with money.

Now, let’s dive a little deeper into each of these principles of financial therapy.

Apply abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment.

The couple featured on the podcast did a great job of creating space for the first principle of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©: abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment. This mindset allows more opportunity for active and creative listening.  I encourage you to try it today! It allows you to shift from a defender of your position to a detective of your partner’s heart and mind. It slows down that part of you that stops listening in order to form your next argument.  

Take the word “money” out of the sentence.

When you take the word “money” out of the sentence, you will often see the underlying issue.  It is often a fear – fear of loss of control, fear of not being important to your partner, fear of being seen as stupid, or fear of making a mistake. Once you know the deeper fear, you can begin to build in ways to comfort that fear that aren’t money related. This approach helps decrease the reactivity in a money chat.

Shift away from “good/bad” positioning with money.

This one is so important and powerful. Sometimes, couples will come to me for financial therapy with the hope that I will declare a “winner,” that one of them is “right” and “good”. I don’t. It doesn’t help, and in my experience, it isn’t a truth. 

Instead, we shift to rephrase the situation. Use sentences such as “What I like/don’t like about my money relationship is…” or “What I wish I had more of/less of in our money life is…”. Try this exercise today and journal about what you notice. Notice how your breathing may relax or your ability to maintain eye contact with your partner may increase. These are big wins!

Couples financial therapy is a unique tool.

Similar to individual financial therapy work, couples will come into financial therapy thinking we are going to tell them what not to do and how to be “better” with money. That is not the case! It can be surprising but helpful. I bet you’ve tried following the latest trend on Google for getting your money act together but can’t seem to get the traction you desire. Financial therapy comes into those stuck points, exploring what is under the surface.  

We don’t come in with rules or declaring a “winner.” Instead, we work to create a non-judging, neutral, and supportive place to talk about all the money stuff. 

Ready to get started? Book a discovery call with the Financial Therapy Solutions team today!

The post What the Heck is Couples Financial Therapy?! appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

The phrase “unprecedented times” keeps popping up for me as I ponder the events that will define 2020 for all of us. Events – and the lack of events – surround us that are new in so many ways. However, there is an element you have seen before, and that is your own coping style.

What I find helpful here is pausing, taking a breath, and allowing yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment.

This can be an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. This can be an element that brings comfort (such as settling into a favorite chair with a book,) or fear (such as seeing yourself engaging in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, etc.) If you are familiar with my blogs or articles – or in session with me – I hope you hear this approach 100s of times.

I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much you begin to predict that I am about to say it! That would be amazing!

increase understanding with compassionate curiosity

Try it on and notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior: a transaction, or a conversation that troubled you. Reflect upon it first with that inner critic that judges you.

Then, take an intentional breath and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice 3 or 4 things about that event in an energy of non-judgment. What often happens is there is more room to gain insight, breathe more fully, and create space for change.

It is in that spirit that I am taking this time to bring to you a special 5 day journey through my foundational practice to create space for healing, which I call “Breathe, Intend, Move.”

This series is built on prompts to promote healing in your money story, and it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus by practicing compassionate curiosity.

[Learn More About My 5 Day Guide Here!]

compassionate curiosity is a routine, not a cure

Perhaps you are craving healing and change in your relationship with food, or with people in your life you love.

Feel free to add in your own prompts using your own life experience as the base. And looking at your money life with a therapeutic lens is a new experience, then definitely use these prompts as written. This could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based, and maybe embarrassing relationship with money.

My hope is that this helps you deepen your exploration into your experience, increase your kindness to yourself and others, and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life.

If you feel ready to deepen the experience with sessions, you can book directly here.

I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my own spirit. The impact has been real, and measurable. I encourage you to try.

Warmly,
Wendy

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