by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach

You may be wondering what money and milkshakes have in common. To start, they both can give you a brain freeze (ha!). They can also cause discomfort when they feel out of control. 

For today’s blog post, I want to talk about what I call “the intersection of money and milkshakes” and how you can find a path toward healing through the money and food connection.

You may have struggled at times to understand why you repeat things. Ever wondered why you return to the use of a credit card after paying off debt and promising to never put yourself in that situation again? Maybe you find yourself binging on food again, even though just this morning you made another vow to yourself to “lose 10 pounds.” You may end up in tears, accepting the reality that you haven’t made any changes despite your promises to yourself.

I am here to offer another way to look at your struggles. When I was working primarily with individuals struggling with eating disorders, I began to notice some similar statements showing up with my clients that intrigued me. Many of them would use the same sentences to describe their relationships with money as they used for their relationships with food, body, and/or exercise.

For instance, many clients turned to shopping. They may contemplate a purchase to help them “feel not so fat” or “help them fit in” as they try to decrease their binging and purging cycle. Shopping, then, is a coping mechanism, just like binging and purging. Others might lean into their emotions. They may feel like they “never have enough money” and practice rigid habits around money management. Chances are, this strictness is mirrored in their food and exercise behaviors with restriction and compulsion. 

I had other clients who shared stories of feeling overwhelmed about spending or saving. They felt like they never did it “right.” These same clients would often restrict foods because they could never find the “right” food to eat. In all these examples, for those suffering from severe disorders, there is a sense that catastrophe lies ahead if the wrong decision is made.

As you can see, this money and food connection is real! 

Naming it and understanding it better can bring true relief. Here are some other similarities you may have noticed between money and food:

Seeing how these thoughts show up in both areas of your life can help you move you away from certain beliefs – things like “I am stupid about money,” “I am powerless to stop binging,” or “I am too lazy to change.” Once you are aware that these patterns exist with both money and food, you are able to work on the underlying issues that are really at play here. When you have more awareness and more clarity, you can gain more traction in healing and changing.  And, even more exciting, you can see this isn’t just something broken inside of you!

I recently explored the parallels between money and food on the podcast Taking Up Space with Cassie Krajewski. 

During the interview, we discussed the complex and often overlooked intersection of money, food, and mental wellness. Through personal stories and real-world examples, I broke down how financial therapy invites curiosity and compassion into the picture. This approach allows you to move away from rigid, shame-based approaches to food and finances and instead fosters flexibility and self-acceptance. Check out the episode here!

If you haven’t already tuned into my episode of the Stacking Benjamins Show podcast, don’t miss it! During a roundtable discussion with host Joe Saul-Sehy, Paula Pant of Afford Anything, and Larry Sprung of Mitlin Money Mindset, we chatted about how financial trauma manifests in money behaviors and the many benefits of financial therapy — some of which I’ve touched on again in this blog post. 

To help you deepen your healing through the money and food connection, I’m so excited to share my new series of journal prompts. 

With the Healing Through the Money and Food Connection collection of prompts for your Financial Therapy Journal, you can further explore the intersection of money and milkshakes in your own life. Your Financial Therapy Journal is designed to be an ongoing experience, with various paid and free prompt and lesson series. You can create one folder on your device and keep adding new content.  

Imagine sailing through this holiday season with peace and calm around food and money! Grab your bundle today to start your healing journey.

As a reminder, these resources are not therapy or a replacement for therapy. They are meant to be educational and great to use in combination with therapy. To book a free discovery call with me, click here!

The post Healing Through the Money and Food Connection appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach

Key Points

• A recent discussion about financial trauma by four financial experts
• How to identify signs of financial trauma in your money life
• How my signature Financial Therapy approach can help you begin healing

Intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, chaotic thoughts, or rigid thoughts around your money decision making. Avoidant money behaviors, obsessive money behaviors, constantly in conflict about money. All of these experiences can be ways you have developed to cope with financial trauma. Consider these statistics: In a 2016 study, 23 percent of Americans (including 35 percent of Millennials) reported experiencing psychological effects similar to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to “acute financial stress” (source). IYKYK, right?

Let’s dive in with a complicated question: What defines financial trauma?

Just last week, I attended FinCon 2024 and recorded an episode of the Stacking Benjamins Show podcast with host Joe Saul-Sehy, Paula Pant of Afford Anything, and Larry Sprung of Mitlin Money Mindset. To help identify what is traumatic, I offered the following framework: Trauma can be something that happens that your brain doesn’t expect or know how to absorb.

When it comes to financial trauma, it may mean a sudden loss of income by job loss, divorce, or other life shocks. It can be living with a verbally abusive parent or spouse who constantly berates you as “bad with money.” Joe mentioned this article as a conversation starter. A scarcity mindset, sometimes called scarcity trauma, is a chronic form of financial trauma. Thomas Faupl, LMFT, SEP, adds, “Scarcity trauma comes from a lack of financial resources.” The roundtable also used the Great Depression as an example. During this time, the nation experienced a common trauma of sudden and significant change to income and security.  

So what happens to someone who experiences financial trauma?  

During this roundtable, the group discussed how a response to a traumatic event is usually a blend of the impact of the event and the neurobiology, or the temperament, of the individual. If you believe you may have experienced financial trauma, I encourage you to notice if you shift into highly rigid or highly chaotic money behaviors.

For instance, if you tend toward hyper organization in a time of stress, you may notice that you start to rigidly save money. This reaction becomes a coping skill. You may feel highly uneasy – threatened, to some degree – if you need to take money out of your savings.

Or if you tend toward chaos, brain fog, and/or avoidance in a time of stress, this shows up in money behaviors and patterns. You may find yourself in a debt cycle, for example, racking up large amounts of debt with promises that “it will be the last time.” You may pay off the debt and vow to never go into debt again, only to break the promise and sink deeper into despair.

These are just a couple of examples of how financial trauma may manifest in money behaviors.

What can you do to start your healing journey? I’ve seen my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy© play a major role in helping to heal and shift my clients’ relationships with money.  The first principle, Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment©, can really change the game. This idea allows the space to see your money behaviors as ways you have learned to cope with a difficult situation, not as evidence you are inherently “flawed” with money. Hope can begin to show up for you, which makes a huge difference.

Another principle, A Plan is Only as Good as Its Adjustment Process©, is also discussed by the group. This principle gives space to acknowledge that flexibility is important in money planning and decision making. Larry endorsed this principle as one he uses with his planning clients. He shared ways that he has supported clients and podcast listeners to grieve what didn’t work and move toward the adjustment process with compassion.

To listen to the full episode, click here! Other key ideas discussed during our roundtable include:

• Diving into financial trauma
• Signs of financial trauma
• Personal stories about the scarcity mindset
• Individual and cultural financial trauma
• Judgment and financial secrecy
• Inherited wealth and emotional struggles
• Behavioral finance in financial planning
• Building compassionate financial relationships
• Recognizing financial trauma: hoarding 
• Societal views on hoarding vs. Saving
• Personal stories of financial extremes
• Balancing financial planning and living in the present
• Diagnosing money hoarding and anxiety
• Steps to address financial anxiety
• Exploring false connections with money
• The importance of financial planning and adjustments
• Tracking spending and financial awareness
• Principles of financial therapy
• When to seek financial therapy

Ready to do your own healing from financial trauma?

Download the free Foundational Series of My Financial Therapy Journal and begin your recovery journey! Stay tuned for more journal prompts to deepen your financial therapy work.

As a reminder, these resources are not therapy or a replacement for therapy. They are meant to be educational and great to use in combination with therapy. To book a free discovery call with me, click here! 

The post Financial Trauma and Financial Therapy appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

I like to journal. Do you?

I have kept a journal for most of my life, all the way back to my childhood diary that had a lock and key.

I loved that diary and thought it was so cool.  When I grew up and created my own home, I opted for (and still do!) a simple spiral notebook. I always write in pencil, preferring the feel of pencil on paper. What do you like? Check in with all your senses and keep them in mind as you determine your journal style.

Now, let’s talk about the where of journaling. It can be anywhere, of course, and I want to encourage you to find your spot. For years, I didn’t have a specific, cozy place in my home that was all my own. Somewhere to sink into for meditation and journaling time. I began to crave a spot that was a small haven for my thinking time.  

Today, I have this place in my home, and it didn’t take anything more than intention. I claimed a corner of my back porch couch and arranged pillows and throws that I already had to create the vibe I wanted. It didn’t cost anything except my time and attention! This approach can work for you too. Outside is one of my favorite places to be. The air is fresh as the breeze blows past, and the small sounds of nature really help me settle into my own time to think and process. I am sitting out there right now as I write this post for you.  

Would you like to have a spot to journal?

Find a seat that you can envision being your journaling spot and cozy it up. Begin to sit there daily to pause and reflect, journaling in free flow or using prompts. I like both ways.  Journaling can also be a verbal exercise of talking things through. You can use your phone or tablet to record your musings. Try it out and see what you notice.  

This morning, from my back porch journal spot, I wrote some thoughts about why I journal.  Want to take a look at my writings?

Why do I journal? It helps me to stream out my thoughts, thus gaining clarity and decreasing my overthinking, which is great! Writing out my thoughts organizes them and helps me make connections, giving me some “a ha!” moments. It helps me name my intentions, building into movements and action steps. Journaling gives me quiet time with my thoughts. It’s meditative. It’s similar to talking things through with a friend who is a good listener. It’s a time to go deeper, putting words to my layered – and often busy – thoughts. Ultimately, it increases meaning and understanding.

You may have experienced some of these benefits of journaling too. If you haven’t yet, I know you will! 

Keeping a journal is a key part of my Financial Therapy approach.

Clients often come into session after doing a journaling exercise with increased insight into their money decision making. They smile and say that they enjoy the deepened understanding. When you get to connect those threads of why you repeat money behaviors that confuse and frustrate you, you can identify where to make changes and interrupt patterns. It really works! 

My Financial Therapy approach starts with mindful pauses, not restrictive and bossy “budgets.” This method has proven to be 100 percent more helpful than filling out a new budget sheet! Mindfulness is often helped by journaling as an aid.  Would you like to dig in and start this work for yourself? Well, I have great news: I have the perfect tool for you!

Let me introduce you to a resource to start your journey: My Financial Therapy Journal.

I designed this journal to be an interactive and continuous experience for you. Start with the Foundational Series with prompts for my Breathe-Intend-Move exercise that you can use to heal and shift your money relationship. In the Money Mindset Shift Program, this exercise is woven into many of the steps toward your Money Mindset Shift. Learn more about this program here. 

Once you have received your Foundational Series, you will be on the list to regularly receive details about other journaling series. Many of these prompts are free, while others will have a cost aligned with the length and depth of the series. You get to choose what feels right for you and your next step in this journey. You may choose to journal some Money Script Flips, or maybe you are drawn to the Decrease Shopping Anxiety prompts. There are several prompts to check out here with more to come! 

Click here to get three free Foundational Series for your Financial Therapy Journal.  

As a reminder, these resources are not therapy or a replacement for therapy. They are meant to be educational and great to use in combination with therapy. To book a free discovery call with me, click here! 

The post Why I Journal – Plus, How It Can Help You appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

If you are or will eventually be a Giver of wealth, you may have read my recent series on wealth transfer and wondered, “But what about me?!” Well, don’t worry — I’ve got you! 

In today’s blog post, let’s take a look into some of the key pain points that Wealth Givers often face.

Giving a gift is not as simple as it may sound. Think of our traditional giving events, such as birthdays, holidays, and life transitions. As a Giver, do you struggle with gift anxiety like I do? Giving comes with a layer of decision making that honestly stirs up some stress in me. What do they want? What do they need? What do I want them to think about me? About the gift? What will they do with it? Will they like it? 

These questions were way easier to answer when my kids were young and knew exactly what they wanted. Do you connect with these feelings? Giving a gift of resources that will change someone’s life is way harder than running to Target to grab a Star Wars Lego set!  

I want to offer one dynamic to consider: I call it the difference between connected and disconnected giving.  

In I Will Teach You to be Rich: The Journal, Ramit Sethi asks this question about giving:

“Do you want to be the kind of person who gives generously to loved ones? Why or why not?”

My answer may surprise you:

“Not exactly. The word ‘generous,’ in my experience, is a word that can have layers of meaning, and oftentimes, these layers are subconscious, foggy, and disconnected. It’s important to first connect with and identify what is meant by ‘generous.’”

You may be thinking, “Wendy, what the heck? Can’t I just be a generous Giver and give the money away?” Well, of course, you can just be generous. But what if you are actually pushing the money away or trying to control the receiver with your gift? What if you are subconsciously wanting your gift to validate your identity or your worthiness? You may find it doesn’t really do that (because it can’t do that). What if you are withholding your gift because you are upset with life choices the recipient is making? What if you are withholding your gift until the receiver communicates that they love you in just the right way?

As we approach giving, let’s remember to apply Principle #1 of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©: Apply Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment.  

I use this principle to identify new words that are more neutral when talking about money things. One of my favorites to use is the concept of disconnected and connected behaviors (instead of good and bad behaviors). Let’s apply this idea to giving and think of it as disconnected or connected. 

If you’re experiencing disconnected giving, you may notice body signs like anxiety, short breaths, racing thoughts, and fears of what the receiver will do with the money. In terms of your decision making, you may feel indecisive or engage with all-or-nothing decision making. You may experience anguish over making the right decision or avoid the decision making altogether. 

Finally, let’s look at common relationship signs of disconnected giving. It may be difficult to interact with your loved one or the group/cause because you are preoccupied with how the gift will be managed. You may avoid that relationship or over-involve yourself in it to micromanage the elements. 

Here are a few examples of disconnected giving:

Disconnected Giving Scenario #1

You meet with your financial planner and realize you are going to have high value resources that need a designated plan. You struggle with identifying who and how much to designate. As a future Giver, you lose sleep, experiencing intrusive, repetitive thoughts about what they will think of you and/or of the gift. You create a will/trust and then change it every few months based on the emotions stirred up in relationship interactions.  

Disconnected Giving Scenario #2

You have wealth, and you feel deeply guilty for having it. Those around you who know you have more than they do regularly drop “hints” of problems and needs, and you quickly move to solve their issues with money. You sense that the less you have, the less you have to stress over. As you see your bank balance go down, you feel some relief. But then, you feel some loss and confusion.

When I give — and when I work with clients to think through their giving — I aim for it to be a gift that is connected.

When I say connected, I mean meaningful and mindful. It can be given with external wise guidance and communicated with ease. The gift can then be a part of my money story and their money story. 

Now, let’s peek back at the disconnected giving scenarios and add in connected traits:

Connected Giving Scenario #1

You meet with your financial planner and realize you are going to have high value resources that need a designated plan. You struggle with identifying who and how much to designate. You step into Wendy’s journaling series “Breathe, Intend, Move” and use this exercise to pause and consider your intentions. You identify that you want the resources to provide safety and security for your children. You now have more clarity on outlining a way to provide for them on a set schedule instead of all at once. You also realize you want to support a few specific charities and are able to have a bigger impact with clear designations.

Connected Giving Scenario #2

You have wealth, and you feel deeply guilty for having it. Those around you who know you have more than they do regularly drop hints of problems and needs. You step into Wendy’s journaling series “Breathe, Intend, Move” and use this exercise to pause and consider your intentions. You recognize a deep desire to help in a couple of specific ways and set up giving to these in your spending plan. This way, when you hear of someone’s struggle, you can use your spending plan to help you decide, with calm clarity, if and when you will give to a need.

When being a Wealth Giver, it’s important to connect to your why as deeply as possible.  

I believe that you need three or four layers of why. Be confident that you can talk it out or write it out. In other words, know that you can communicate it clearly. When you tell the receiver the why behind your giving, you increase connection, meaning, clarity, and even affection. One of my favorite journal/discussion prompts for this concept is: What story do you want your money to tell?

Pause now to write about it, and let me know what you noticed. How do you want to give?  

Before I close, I want to share a quote from my friend Deborah Goldstein, founder of Enlightened Philanthropy. She has this to say: “Something I have been looking at more closely in my own life is how giving relates to receiving. When giving, it sometimes helps to think about how you like to receive and how the intended recipient might like to receive. Does that help inform your giving further? I like to think it does.”

Would you like more support in getting clarity around your resources and giving? The Money Mindset Shift program takes you through these exercises and more to help you dive deeper and find clarity. I invite you to invest in it today!

The post Exploring Wealth Transfer Dynamics for Givers appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

This post is part four of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

Check out part one for an in-depth look at The Great Wealth Transfer, part two for a focus on common pain points and strategies for success, and part three for a peek at how financial therapy helps with wealth transfer dynamics. 

For today’s blog post, Sarina, Maria, and Devon have graciously allowed us to peek into their financial therapy journals! Now, I realize they are pretend people and made-up vignettes based on my decade of experience. Still, it’s nice to ask their permission to look at their pretend journal entries!

To start, let’s read what Sarina wrote in her financial therapy journal after a few appointments with me (a real financial therapist!).

I was excited to get on the video call with Wendy today. It was our third appointment together. So far, I have noticed a definite decline in my anxiety and racing thoughts as I have worked with the prompts Wendy offered. 

Today, she asked me to Breathe! Yes, I felt a bit frustrated because I wanted some action steps, but I followed the prompt out of curiosity. Here are the instructions from Wendy:

Let’s start off with a breath. Focusing on your breathing regulates the nervous system and connects you to your physical body. It grounds you to the present moment. 

Find a tall, comfortable seat that allows you to breathe fully and without restriction. Close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply. 

As you breathe, think about money: spending, saving, debting, earning, and anything in between. Imagine the physical representation of money: the way dollar bills feel in your hand or the way coins clinks together in your pocket. Think about how it feels to swipe a credit card or pay your balance online. 

Take five deep, intentional breaths, inhaling for the count of four…and exhaling for the count of four. 

Allow your breath to float in and out like clouds drifting across the sky. When thoughts come up, approach them with compassionate curiosity rather than judgment. 

After five breaths, open your eyes. 

This pause, this breathing exercise, really helped to slow my racing thoughts and to connect me with what I want my money life to look like. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I feel more able to sit with the uncertainty. 

I want to increase awareness of my money mindsets, realizing I have lived with a high level of general avoidance of money most of my life. I have unconsciously kept myself in a paycheck to paycheck cycle, not really thinking much about it. My parents did it, so I thought it was just the way it was. 

I also uncovered an attitude of resentment toward anyone who had “more than enough,” believing it meant they were doing something wrong, cheating, or being greedy. Now, I am faced with being someone with “more than enough.” It’s no wonder that I see the value in shifting my money mindset!

Prior to meeting with Wendy, I was ignoring my bank balance. The funds were transferred a couple of months ago, and I am still living the same daily life. I am relieved to hear that I am not alone in not knowing what to do with such a paradigm shift in my sense of self and lifestyle. I’m ready for whatever comes next!

Moving on, Maria has worked with me for a few months now. Here is a snippet from her financial therapy journal.

Wow! This week, Wendy gave me this journal prompt: What story do I want my money to tell? I hate to admit it, but I’ve never thought about having my own money story. As I begin to accept this money, these resources are mine to own now, not my uncle’s, or my parents’. I get to build a vision for it.

Wendy keeps repeating that I can approach this wealth transfer with compassion, curiosity, and zero judgment. This blows my mind! I have never experienced anything around money with zero judgment. And it’s so helpful. Now, I can see forward. I can see that I want my resources to grow and expand my life, not scare me or guilt me.  

When I think of my money story, I envision financial security for myself: taking family trips, having ways to create memories, and having money to leave for my children. I don’t actually know how to achieve these goals, but Wendy was very helpful in encouraging me to take this process one step at a time. Until I know the story I want it to tell, I won’t know the questions to even ask my Financial A-Team.

Devon is also working through a couple of journal prompts from me this week.

Today, Wendy asked me to journal about the money I am receiving and answer the question, “Whose money is it?” I immediately began to think of family members who seem to need money. This exercise helped me realize that I am not thinking of the money as mine but simply as mine to give away.  

In talking with Wendy about this feeling, I realized I am eager to give it away because I want to push the “problem” away from me — the “problem” being my fear of what to do with this money. It’s time to shift away from fear and toward more confidence that I can build my own money map and have it reflect my values.  

I also recognize that my sister has always been really good at presenting her problems to me and expecting me to give her money to solve them. I have done so a few times, and now, I see it’s actually not helping her change her life. Next week, I want to talk more with Wendy about how to have strong financial boundaries as I work toward truly owning my resources.

Wow! How cool was it that we were able to explore the thoughts of these individuals as they adjust to their new financial realities after wealth transfer?

What did you notice when asking yourself to consider these journal prompts? Journaling is a great tool for our relationship with money because money doesn’t hold a conversation with us. By slowing down your thoughts enough to write out the money map you desire, your brain can begin to identify the questions you need to answer to build your path.

Well, that’s a wrap on this four-part series. Together, we looked at the reality of wealth transfers, including the volume of funds to be transferred in the near future. We defined wealth as an abundance of resources. Then, we walked through the experiences of Sarina, Maria, and Devon to gain some personal insights into this process.  

So now what? What do you do with this new perspective? Whether you expect to receive or to give wealth in the future, I encourage you to use the journal prompts above to connect to the role you want money to play in your life. Explore your thoughts and reactions with zero judgment. Build paths toward communication that feels helpful and not overwhelming.  Knowing the high amounts of wealth, of resources, that are passed to generations and then lost, it’s worth looking at your communication style and goals, so that this wealth transfer can become a time of connection and care.

Remember: I am always here for you!

Click here for more supportive resources and additional help. If you’re ready for individualized support, book a free discovery call now!

The post Part Four: Financial Therapy Journal in Action for Clients Dealing with Wealth Transfer Dynamics appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

This post is part three of a four-part series focused on wealth transfer and financial therapy. The vignettes featured in each post are fiction. All names and events are the products of the author’s imagination and used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. 

Check out part one for an in-depth look at The Great Wealth Transfer and part two for a focus on common pain points and strategies for success. 

Devon logged into their discovery call with Wendy Wright, a financial therapist, feeling both hope and trepidation. They were excited to hear that something like financial therapy existed, but they had no idea what it was or if it could help. They recently sold a business and received their payout last week. Seven million dollars! And they’ll receive a similar payout annually in the coming years. 

Devon has never had this much money. Historically, they struggled with credit card debt and lived a paycheck-to-paycheck life. They experienced the cycle of debt, paying it off in large chunks, promising to never go into debt again, and then finding themselves in the same situation. 

They also hated their relationship with money — which sparked their business idea. They built an app to help people barter for goods and services to avoid money. The app took off, and soon, Devon faced several buyout offers. They accepted this particular offer not because it was the highest but because the buyer seemed most aligned with their vision. 

So today, when the first installment hit their bank, Devon was stunned. They are glad to have a chance to talk through their feelings with a financial therapist.

In my years of experience working with clients in financial therapy sessions, I know solidly where to start. 

In helping define my Signature Financial Therapy Approach, I created 10 Principles of Financial Therapy ©, knowing that the first principle — Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment — must come first.

We start here because it’s the best way to wipe the slate clean and allow for assumptions, old stories, and past hurts to be put aside. Money words, financial tactics, expert opinions, our parents’ words and actions…all of these influences live in your brain with certain meanings and intensities. They block your ability to move into your own money story — what I call “owning your money.”

A transfer of wealth often includes messaging from the giver, or from your “family of origin” (that’s therapist-speak for your mom, dad, siblings, grandma, grandpa, or other significant family members). These messages are often more subconscious than overtly conscious. 

Consider this example. Growing up, my family always used a grocery bag — the old school paper kind — for kitchen trash, kept under the sink. So that is what I did. Was this right or wrong? Nope, it’s morally neutral. I can remember going to a friend’s house where they had a stand alone larger trash can with plastic bags in it. Was this right or wrong? Nope, again, morally neutral. 

This is a silly example, but I hope to show that we grow up with ideas of how things are supposed to be because of our limited sample size. When we want to shift our relationship to money, it’s important to start by realizing that your money beliefs may or may not be true. This is why we look back and identify our money past — not to hang blame somewhere but to gain context and understanding. Then, we can start to build our own money path.

Now, let’s apply this idea to a wealth transfer.  

It’s important to give yourself grace as you enter into the adjustment period and shift your perspective on money. Charlene Laney, CFP, and Josh Dunlop, CFP, CDFA, wealth advisors and the founders of NewMaker Financial, explain it this way:

“When a financial reality dawns on us that we aren’t experienced in handling, there is an adjustment period. We see it all the time: Clients rack up a lot of unmanageable debt on that first credit card and overspend their first paychecks. Adjusting is just a normal part of life. The problem with an inheritance is that it can be largely spent before that adjustment has time to occur. Add in the tendency to emotionally spend as you process grief, and you have a recipe for a potential disaster. Being intentional with your inheritance is the best thing you can do.”

One of the biggest issues around a wealth transfer lies in the communication. Ramit Sethi speaks to this truth, saying, “It’s common for wealthy parents to leave an estate with no clear inheritance plan, and it’s always a disaster. Kids fight over the house and never talk again. Make a plan and discuss it with your kids while you’re alive. It’s not morbid; it’s planning.”

Ashley Agnew, the current president of the Financial Therapy Association, shares a similar sentiment: “Money can feel like the family member who no one talks about but is controlling everything.”

To help create clarity in communication, I created this matrix of the common kinds of communication that we find about wealth transfers.

You may have experienced several kinds of bridges across this matrix. For Devon, the wealth was just recently “expected” (so previously “unexpected”), alongside an absence of discussion. For Sarina (in part one of this series), the wealth transfer was “unexpected” and “not discussed,” so the level of shock is real! And for Maria (in part two of this series), wealth in her family was “sort of expected” and “sort of discussed.” I call this “sort of” because the communication around resources was not clear or designed to build confidence. Instead, it was meant to discourage, put down, and shame the receiver.

I also love the way that Megan deBoer, founder of Tended Wealth, explains the impact of unexpected wealth:

“Often, a recipient of unexpected wealth feels as though they haven’t earned it and therefore take longer to feel worthy of having it. This response, if unacknowledged, can lead to an unconscious rejection of it. This is typically expressed across a spectrum: on one end, not taking ownership of the wealth and only using small amounts in ways that Grandma would approve, and on the other end, liquidating the wealth rapidly to alleviate the uncomfortable feeling of being undeserving of it.”

Every combination on the communication matrix can trigger stress, anxiety, and confusion. 

These emotions often lead to behaviors like avoidance, grasping for guidance from the Internet, or pushing money away by spending, giving, or gambling. When we pause and name the existing communication pattern, we can then identify the desired communication pattern. This practice often involves words like clear, wise, and communication-enhancing. In financial therapy, we start with changing your communication to yourself. This step is so key in building a mindful and meditative relationship with your money!

You may be thinking, “But if so and so would just ______, then this wouldn’t be so hard.” And yes, you may be right. With that thought in mind, we also work on processing your grief around the communication that you didn’t get. This act is part of the healing process that I like to call “money work.” 

Once you have allowed space to grieve what did or didn’t happen, we can move forward to your vision, your relationship to money, and your desired communication patterns. If you stay stuck in the belief that someone “should have” talked to you, prepared you, or cared about you, you may struggle to energetically access the wealth, own the resources, and make your own decisions about the money.

Another key principle of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy© comes into play here: Take the Money Word Out of the Sentence and Deepen What You Are Trying to Say.

This strategy helps you begin to write the story that you want your money to tell.  Let’s look at a few examples:

• “I don’t want this money” can mean “I don’t want this connection to my dad. He hurt me!” or “I don’t want this responsibility. It terrifies me!” or “I don’t deserve it.”
• “If I give this money to my kids, they will be entitled brats!” can mean “If I give this easy access to resources to my kids, they will be selfish and have no values” or “If I give them this big bucket of more than enough, they won’t learn how to save their resources.”
• “If my partner gets this inheritance, it will ruin them” can mean “If my partner has more than enough money, they won’t need me.”

You get the idea. For this principle, we want to identify the underlying fears, desires, and beliefs  driving your reaction. Taking out the money word is a great tool to help open up your mind to the deeper truth.

To close, let’s keep these three ideas in mind as we revisit Devon’s story.

• Communication is key to enhancing your money life.
• You don’t have to do it alone! A financial therapist is a safe and supportive person to add to your Financial A-Team.
• Uncover subconscious beliefs so that you can find your own money path and story.

The call went well! Devon was, at first, a bit teary just naming the events that took place and the dollar amounts. They felt seen and heard by someone who understands the psychology of money. They mentioned to Wendy that the first thing they wanted to do was pay off their credit cards and other debts. 

Wendy didn’t offer judgment, rules, or a strict approach. Instead, she supported the idea of Devon taking a few days to Breathe, allowing their new bank balance and money landscape to sink in. Wendy encouraged them to put the money in a safe place and then gave Devon some specific journal exercises to do to help them absorb the change. Although they were shocked at this first step, they felt relief that they didn’t have to rush forward.

In part four of this series (the final blog post), I will show you how applying these principles works in real time for Sarina, Maria, and Devon. In the meantime, click here for more supportive resources and additional help. If you’re ready for individualized support, book a free discovery call now!

The post Part Three: How Financial Therapy Helps with Wealth Transfer Dynamics appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.