Have you heard me talk about compassionate curiosity yet? My clients hear me say this phrase a lot. At first, their body language reflects a response like, “Yeah, that sounds pretty and sweet, but I can’t be kind to myself with money, or I will just make things worse!” Sometimes, they even say these feelings out loud, which I love! Then, they start to apply it, and several sessions later, like magic, their body language (and maybe their words too!) will say, “Wow, this is really helping!”  

Do you want to try to experience the shift that compassionate curiosity brings?

Oftentimes, one of your current coping styles stands in the way. Maybe it’s negative self-talk as you try to bully yourself into being better with money. Maybe it’s avoidance, promising yourself that you will get to the money tasks later. These types of coping styles can feel familiar. They can even serve as an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. They may bring you comfort, like settling into a favorite chair with a book, or fear, like seeing yourself engage in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, or [fill in the blank] that leads to unsettling outcomes. What I find helpful here is taking a pause and a breath. Then, give yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment. 

As you spend time reading my blogs or maybe in session with me, I hope you hear about this approach hundreds of times. I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much that you begin to predict that I am about to say it. In fact, that would be amazing! After all, there’s a reason why it is number 1 of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©.

Let’s dig in a bit further.

Principle 1: Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment

Try it on.

Notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior, a transaction, or a conversation about money that troubled you, first with that inner critic that judges you. Then, take an intentional breath, and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice three or four things about that event with a non-judgment energy. My hope is – and what often happens for my clients – there is more room to:

• gain insight
• breathe more fully 
• create space for change

It is in that spirit that I incorporate my foundational practice of “Breathe, Intend, Move” into Money Mindset Shift. 

This course teaches prompts to promote healing in your money story. Even better, it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus. Perhaps you are craving change in your relationship with debt or earnings. Maybe you’re looking to make improvements in your relationships with family and friends. You will be encouraged to add in your own prompts throughout the course. If your goal is to begin to look at your money life with a therapeutic lens, applying these principles is a key step. It could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based and maybe embarrassing dynamic with money.

My hope is that the concept of compassionate curiosity helps you deepen the exploration of your experience with money. May it increase your kindness to yourself and others and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life! 

If you feel ready to go a step further, you can check out my Intentional Shopping Exercise (link below) and the Money Mindset Shift course options. Plus, get on the list to be notified of upcoming workshops!

I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my spirit. The impact has been real. I encourage you to try.

The post Compassionate Curiosity: Can It Really Make a Difference? appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

You want to feel more confidence in your money management, money skills, and money life — and as a financial therapist, I want to help! 

With that thought in mind, let’s take a closer look at six signs of money confidence.  

To be honest, I hope these signs are not what you expected me to say. When we work on money during a financial therapy session, we go deeper than “just” filling out the next worksheet or doing whatever Google tells you to do.

Here we go! Note that this list is in no particular order.

1. Your body and breath are calm.

Remember that your physical health often represents your internal mindsets. When you feel confident about your money skills, your breathing is steady. Your body is aligned with a mindful, meditative state. You feel a sense of peace, as though you’re ready for whatever comes next. 

2. You have an automated system to follow.

When it comes to your financial decisions, you have a system that you understand and enjoy using. You don’t have to do so much mental math because you trust your method. I truly believe in the importance of a system —so much so that this concept is part of my training program, called The 10 Principles of Financial Therapy ©: Live from a plan, not your bank balance. 

3. You’ve got your own back when it comes to decision making.

In other words, you trust yourself. Your internal dialogue is full of compassion and kindness, and you have an attitude of learning. There’s no judgment or shame. Even better, you believe in your ability to problem solve when issues arise. Another one of my principles relates to abundant compassionate curiosity and zero judgment. This open mindset is crucial if you want to develop money confidence!

4. You feel as though you “own” your money.

No matter what is asked of you when it comes to your money, you know what is best for your finances. You don’t live in a constant state of brain fog and confusion. 

5. When you talk about money, either with yourself or a partner, you experience clarity, calmness, and connection.

Your communication — whether it’s spoken or written down — feels satisfying and productive. You feel grounded in your beliefs. 

6. You are comfortable making mistakes when it comes to your money.

Nothing in life is perfect, right? No matter how hard you work to improve your relationship to and understanding of money, you will face challenges. Chances are, you will experience a miscalculation or error of judgment at some point — and that’s okay! This acceptance increases your self-compassion and creates a spirit of learning. 

Now, let’s explore some financial scripts to help improve your money confidence:

I will never have make enough money. >> I can work with what I have and look for ways to increase my net income.

I just need to get out of debt. >> I know I will eliminate my debt because it’s part of my overall plan.

If I can just buy a second home, my mom/dad/whomever will know I made it. >> I can decide my own markers of success, regardless of external opinions.

I am so stupid! I need to get my sh*t together. >> I didn’t like how that went, but I am open to learning what I can do differently next time. I am okay with being imperfect.

Money confidence is as much a state of mind (or money mindset) as it is an amount.

It’s more than just making more money or having a certain number in your bank account. It’s more than being able to buy your dream house or car. It’s more than being out of debt. My Money Mindset Shift course can help you identify the mindsets that you’ve always had and discover ways to incrementally shift them towards the ones you want.

Want to learn more? Consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course! I’m also offering a Masterclass in October.

The post Six Signs of Money Confidence — According to a Financial Therapist appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Did you check out the recent This is Uncomfortable podcast episode? In this episode, I was asked to help a couple struggling with a recurring money conflict. We explored how to get “unstuck” and discussed new ways to approach money topics.  

To start, the couple named their “pain point”: They keep having the same fight about money.  

They were feeling stuck. Whenever this topic came up, they would have the same fight and get nowhere. They wanted to find a resolution, a way to move forward, but couldn’t see a way out or around it. You may be nodding your head and thinking “Yes, we have so been there!” This is where financial therapy can help.  

We applied three of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©, including:

• Apply abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment.
• Take the word “money” out of the sentence.  
• Shift away from “good/bad” positioning with money.

Now, let’s dive a little deeper into each of these principles of financial therapy.

Apply abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment.

The couple featured on the podcast did a great job of creating space for the first principle of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©: abundant, compassionate curiosity and zero judgment. This mindset allows more opportunity for active and creative listening.  I encourage you to try it today! It allows you to shift from a defender of your position to a detective of your partner’s heart and mind. It slows down that part of you that stops listening in order to form your next argument.  

Take the word “money” out of the sentence.

When you take the word “money” out of the sentence, you will often see the underlying issue.  It is often a fear – fear of loss of control, fear of not being important to your partner, fear of being seen as stupid, or fear of making a mistake. Once you know the deeper fear, you can begin to build in ways to comfort that fear that aren’t money related. This approach helps decrease the reactivity in a money chat.

Shift away from “good/bad” positioning with money.

This one is so important and powerful. Sometimes, couples will come to me for financial therapy with the hope that I will declare a “winner,” that one of them is “right” and “good”. I don’t. It doesn’t help, and in my experience, it isn’t a truth. 

Instead, we shift to rephrase the situation. Use sentences such as “What I like/don’t like about my money relationship is…” or “What I wish I had more of/less of in our money life is…”. Try this exercise today and journal about what you notice. Notice how your breathing may relax or your ability to maintain eye contact with your partner may increase. These are big wins!

Couples financial therapy is a unique tool.

Similar to individual financial therapy work, couples will come into financial therapy thinking we are going to tell them what not to do and how to be “better” with money. That is not the case! It can be surprising but helpful. I bet you’ve tried following the latest trend on Google for getting your money act together but can’t seem to get the traction you desire. Financial therapy comes into those stuck points, exploring what is under the surface.  

We don’t come in with rules or declaring a “winner.” Instead, we work to create a non-judging, neutral, and supportive place to talk about all the money stuff. 

Ready to get started? Book a discovery call with the Financial Therapy Solutions team today!

The post What the Heck is Couples Financial Therapy?! appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Many people recognize their struggles with money management or the negative feelings they associate with spending and saving, but they don’t know how to seek help. That’s where financial therapy comes in!

What Is Financial Therapy?

You may be wondering, “What exactly is financial therapy?” A relatively new field within the world of therapy, financial therapy combines financial counseling, money management support, and mental health treatments. Depending on your personal needs, it can be:

• a place to talk through your money story
• support for building a business plan that works
• an invitation to forgive yourself for past money decisions
• a place to talk about the emotional impact of inherited wealth

A financial therapist can help you better understand how money shows up in your life. It goes beyond simply focusing on budgets, goals, and retirement plans and instead looks at the way you think, feel, and behave with your money. With the proper help, you can overcome the roadblocks that make it difficult for you to make smart financial decisions and move towards long-term, sustainable solutions. 

Do I Need Financial Therapy?

Your next question may be, “Well, how do I know if I need financial therapy?” To be honest, I believe that everyone can benefit from financial therapy. As a good starting point, I suggest asking yourself a few questions like:

Would it be helpful to have a judgment-free zone to talk about money?

Would I benefit from more understanding of my money patterns and behaviors? 

How do I define my relationship with money?

If you’re looking for more tangible exercises to complete, consider the two ideas below.

First, rename one of your bank accounts to reflect a future goal. 

I believe that, when you connect emotionally to your savings, you’re more likely to save. Even better, research supports this idea! Klontz conducted a study and saw people’s savings rates increase by up to 73 percent when they got fully and emotionally engaged in why they were setting money aside. 

So if you want to take your family to Disney World in the next three years, name it, “Disney World 2025.” If you’re focused on paying off your student loans, call it, “A Debt-Free Me.” Now, every time you open up your bank accounts, you’ll have a visual reminder — a guard rail, if you will — to keep you on track. 

Next, track your expenses. 

Rather than adding them to a digital spreadsheet, write them down by hand. (Download a copy of my tracking worksheet bundle now!) This practice helps you truly recognize and acknowledge each purchase. Include the item, the cost, the emotion behind the purchase, and how it made you feel. See if the reason why you bought something matches the post-purchase feelings it gives you. 

Do these questions and exercises resonate with you? It may be time to further explore financial therapy and the impact it can have on your life. Book a discovery call with a member of the Financial Therapy Solutions team.

The Team at Financial Therapy Solutions

Speaking of our team, I’m excited to share that we’re continuing to grow! We now have a team of therapists trained in my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©. The focus of our group practice is to guide our clients through the intersection of money and emotions, helping them reach and maintain their financial goals. We approach each session with zero judgment and abundant, compassionate curiosity. The team is available for telehealth sessions. 

For more financial therapy tips and recommendations, join my mailing list! Sign up today and receive my free, downloadable workbook, “Get the Life You Want With the Money You Have.”

The post How Financial Therapy Can Change Your Life appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

I’m thrilled to share my recent interview with The Pledgettes, a community of women who takes an active role in their finances in an effort to close the gender wealth gap. They focus on making value-aligned decisions towards individual financial goals — because when more women take individual action concerning their money, the collective impact grows.

Your Financial A-Team

This past spring, they discussed the five types of people you need on your Financial A-Team. It should include:

• Growth Partners: These licensed professionals help you identify your goals and develop strategies to reach them. They give you a safe space to talk about your wins and failures as you plot a path to financial freedom. 
• Connectors: We all have an outgoing friend or two who makes you feel like you can talk about anything. Chances are, they are happy to discuss finances with you — especially since money shouldn’t be a taboo topic! Start the conversation, and you’ll be amazed at what you learn. 
• Mentors and Mentees: Find people who are 10 steps ahead of your financially as well as 10 steps behind you. Ask questions about how they got to where they are or what their future goals are. You’ll feel both inspired and motivated.
• High-Five Tribe: This group of friends is simply there to support and celebrate your achievements. You may be working towards different goals, but the important thing is that you all believe everyone can reach financial success.
• Diverse Thinkers: These are the risk-takers who know all about cryptocurrency and Sacred Economics. Learn from their different perspectives and experiences!

As a financial therapist, I fall into the bucket of Growth Partners. During my interview with The Pledgettes, we discussed my work, my thoughts on Big Financial Goals, the members of my own Financial A-Team, and so much more! Check out the full interview here.

Master Your Money Workgroup

Are you ready to make 2022 your best year yet? Consider joining my upcoming Master Your Money workgroup, set to begin in January 2022. This six-month program involves one 90-minute session per month with expert guidance and one-on-one help. During this workgroup, you’ll learn how to get out of debt, save money, grow your business, and reach financial success. Plus, you’ll be working with a supportive group of people like yourself, all using your newfound knowledge and tools to bring about real change to your relationships with money.

I hope you’ll join us for the upcoming Master Your Money workgroup and start the new year strong! You can reach out to wendy@financialtherapysolutions.com with questions.

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