What do money and milkshakes have in common? They both can give you a brain freeze!

They can also seem to bring you pain and suffering when they feel out of balance.

You may have struggled at times to understand why you repeat things. Why you return to the use of a credit card after paying off debt and promising yourself “I will never be in debt again!”.

You may find yourself binging on food again today, even though this morning you promised yourself “I will lose 10 pounds today!”. You may have been in tears, absorbing the reality that you haven’t made the changes you promised you would.

I am here to offer another way to look at this, a way that I witness helping others.

When I was working primarily with those struggling with eating disorders, I began to notice some similar statements showing up with my patients and clients that intrigued me.

I began to notice many of them would use the same sentences to describe how they were interacting with money as they had been with food, body or exercise.

Some, for instance, might turn to shopping. Deciding on purchases that would “help me not feel so fat”, “help me fit in”, “help me be accepted by others”, when they are decreasing binging/purging.

These were the same things they would say about why they used binging/purging to manage emotions.

Others might share how they feel. They “never have enough money” and show up with rigidity around money management. This mirrored their rigidity around food and exercise management.

There were others who shared stories of feeling overwhelmed about spending or saving. They never felt they did it “right”. These were the same clients who would restrict foods because they could never find the “right” food to eat.

And in all these, for those suffering from severe disorders, there is a sense that catastrophe lies ahead if the “wrong” decision is made.

This parallel relationship is real! And naming it can bring about real relief!

Consider some of these similarities between money and food:

• Both money and food have many transactions [decisions] every day!
• Both money and food have to be consistently used even while working on healing and improving your relationship to them.
• Both money and food decisions can have morality assigned to what appears to be “bad” choices
• Both money and food issues are better healed with compassion than with shame and judgment.

Once you are able to see these thoughts show up in more than one arena of your life, it can help move you away from certain beliefs. Such as “I am stupid about money”, “I am powerless to stop binging”, “I am too lazy to change”.

Once you are aware that these patterns show up with both money and food, you are able to work on the underlying issues that are really at work. And then you have more awareness, more clarity, and can gain more traction in healing and changing.

Thanks for reading! If this resonates with you, and you would like to pay more personalized attention to your own relationship with food and money, you can connect with me here to set up a Free Discovery Call or a session.

The post The Intersection of Money and Milkshakes appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

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The post the impact of Decision Styles on our Money and Food Lives appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

So, let me define a “Decision Making Disorder”. After working to bridge the gap of understanding, or lack of understanding, between clients, families, couples, for years, I realized we needed a better common language.

my clients

Clients come to because they “can’t stop fighting about money” or because they “don’t understand why she just won’t eat!” I noticed a connection, an underlying mystery driver… decisions. There are layers upon layers of thoughts and feelings that go into behaviors like eating or financial disorders. When we don’t understand these layers, we miss the hidden meaning entirely. These layers make up our “decision matrix”.

I began to discuss the following idea: What if we look at this as a decision making disorder, because everyone makes decisions.

the common factor

We make decisions all day, every day. Recent research suggests we make around 35,000 decisions each day! Imagine how your day goes if most of these decisions have the emotional intensity to either make or break your day, your year, even your life. Whether it’s a decision about food or finances – both can become external measures that can be used to manage internal shame and fear.

You sit down to a meal and announce, “I am going on a diet tomorrow,” in order to passively convey to the table that you know you are making “a mistake by eating”. You walk into the store and tell your friend, “I am just going to look around,” when you know you already plan to buy new shoes. Fear of judgment, fear of failure, insecurity about how someone else will perceive our choices, can spark a lot of decision anxiety.

Then, we go to great lengths to either make the “right” decision or avoid a decision completely. Until we are aware of our own decision matrix, we run through the “if this, then that” scenarios, we may puzzle ourselves as to why we are repeating behavior patterns.

Therapy is the work that steps in between the “I want to do this,” and “Why did I do that again!” It provides space to identify what keeps getting in the way – because its a judgment free zone.

a universal approach to disorders

When I brought this more universal experience, decision making, to the conversation, I got head nods and “Oh! That helps make some sense of it!” This helps shift the focus from “Should he eat carbs?” or “Do I need to make a special meal for them so they will eat something at all?” to what is really going on.

This can help move the conversation away from “Is debt good or bad?” or “How do I save money when I am always running out?” to the deeper issues underlying the outward questions. This helps to decrease some of the shame. It also opens space for each person’s decision matrix to be made known. It creates connection and empathy too.

This is what I mean when I say that it’s not about the money or the food. It’s so much more! Book a call today to explore your decision matrix.

The post What is a “Decision Making Disorder”? appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.