Have you heard me talk about compassionate curiosity yet? My clients hear me say this phrase a lot. At first, their body language reflects a response like, “Yeah, that sounds pretty and sweet, but I can’t be kind to myself with money, or I will just make things worse!” Sometimes, they even say these feelings out loud, which I love! Then, they start to apply it, and several sessions later, like magic, their body language (and maybe their words too!) will say, “Wow, this is really helping!”  

Do you want to try to experience the shift that compassionate curiosity brings?

Oftentimes, one of your current coping styles stands in the way. Maybe it’s negative self-talk as you try to bully yourself into being better with money. Maybe it’s avoidance, promising yourself that you will get to the money tasks later. These types of coping styles can feel familiar. They can even serve as an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. They may bring you comfort, like settling into a favorite chair with a book, or fear, like seeing yourself engage in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, or [fill in the blank] that leads to unsettling outcomes. What I find helpful here is taking a pause and a breath. Then, give yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment. 

As you spend time reading my blogs or maybe in session with me, I hope you hear about this approach hundreds of times. I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much that you begin to predict that I am about to say it. In fact, that would be amazing! After all, there’s a reason why it is number 1 of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©.

Let’s dig in a bit further.

Principle 1: Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment

Try it on.

Notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior, a transaction, or a conversation about money that troubled you, first with that inner critic that judges you. Then, take an intentional breath, and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice three or four things about that event with a non-judgment energy. My hope is – and what often happens for my clients – there is more room to:

• gain insight
• breathe more fully 
• create space for change

It is in that spirit that I incorporate my foundational practice of “Breathe, Intend, Move” into Money Mindset Shift. 

This course teaches prompts to promote healing in your money story. Even better, it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus. Perhaps you are craving change in your relationship with debt or earnings. Maybe you’re looking to make improvements in your relationships with family and friends. You will be encouraged to add in your own prompts throughout the course. If your goal is to begin to look at your money life with a therapeutic lens, applying these principles is a key step. It could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based and maybe embarrassing dynamic with money.

My hope is that the concept of compassionate curiosity helps you deepen the exploration of your experience with money. May it increase your kindness to yourself and others and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life! 

If you feel ready to go a step further, you can check out my Intentional Shopping Exercise (link below) and the Money Mindset Shift course options. Plus, get on the list to be notified of upcoming workshops!

I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my spirit. The impact has been real. I encourage you to try.

The post Compassionate Curiosity: Can It Really Make a Difference? appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

You want to feel more confidence in your money management, money skills, and money life — and as a financial therapist, I want to help! 

With that thought in mind, let’s take a closer look at six signs of money confidence.  

To be honest, I hope these signs are not what you expected me to say. When we work on money during a financial therapy session, we go deeper than “just” filling out the next worksheet or doing whatever Google tells you to do.

Here we go! Note that this list is in no particular order.

1. Your body and breath are calm.

Remember that your physical health often represents your internal mindsets. When you feel confident about your money skills, your breathing is steady. Your body is aligned with a mindful, meditative state. You feel a sense of peace, as though you’re ready for whatever comes next. 

2. You have an automated system to follow.

When it comes to your financial decisions, you have a system that you understand and enjoy using. You don’t have to do so much mental math because you trust your method. I truly believe in the importance of a system —so much so that this concept is part of my training program, called The 10 Principles of Financial Therapy ©: Live from a plan, not your bank balance. 

3. You’ve got your own back when it comes to decision making.

In other words, you trust yourself. Your internal dialogue is full of compassion and kindness, and you have an attitude of learning. There’s no judgment or shame. Even better, you believe in your ability to problem solve when issues arise. Another one of my principles relates to abundant compassionate curiosity and zero judgment. This open mindset is crucial if you want to develop money confidence!

4. You feel as though you “own” your money.

No matter what is asked of you when it comes to your money, you know what is best for your finances. You don’t live in a constant state of brain fog and confusion. 

5. When you talk about money, either with yourself or a partner, you experience clarity, calmness, and connection.

Your communication — whether it’s spoken or written down — feels satisfying and productive. You feel grounded in your beliefs. 

6. You are comfortable making mistakes when it comes to your money.

Nothing in life is perfect, right? No matter how hard you work to improve your relationship to and understanding of money, you will face challenges. Chances are, you will experience a miscalculation or error of judgment at some point — and that’s okay! This acceptance increases your self-compassion and creates a spirit of learning. 

Now, let’s explore some financial scripts to help improve your money confidence:

I will never have make enough money. >> I can work with what I have and look for ways to increase my net income.

I just need to get out of debt. >> I know I will eliminate my debt because it’s part of my overall plan.

If I can just buy a second home, my mom/dad/whomever will know I made it. >> I can decide my own markers of success, regardless of external opinions.

I am so stupid! I need to get my sh*t together. >> I didn’t like how that went, but I am open to learning what I can do differently next time. I am okay with being imperfect.

Money confidence is as much a state of mind (or money mindset) as it is an amount.

It’s more than just making more money or having a certain number in your bank account. It’s more than being able to buy your dream house or car. It’s more than being out of debt. My Money Mindset Shift course can help you identify the mindsets that you’ve always had and discover ways to incrementally shift them towards the ones you want.

Want to learn more? Consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course! I’m also offering a Masterclass in October.

The post Six Signs of Money Confidence — According to a Financial Therapist appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Who is driving your money bus: you or your mindset?

What is a mindset? It’s defined by Merriam-Webster as “a mental attitude or inclination, a fixed state of mind” and by Wikipedia as “a mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person.” I, however, define it as “a belief that may or may not be a truth.”

Mindsets are powerful and often make decisions for you.  

Let’s use a silly example. If you have a mindset – a set of beliefs and attitudes – that dogs make the perfect pet, you may avoid, spend less time with, or not invite over someone who has a mindset that cats are the only good pet. You may wonder, “How could someone prefer cats to dogs?!” You may send them articles about the joys of puppy ownership in order to passively influence them to come over to your mindset. You may post memes about ways that dogs are better than cats! You might get a second dog, even though you weren’t really ready to do so, in order to prove your mindset is right.

Sure, this example is a bit ridiculous, but did it resonate? We want to notice and appreciate ways that a mindset can influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you see here, a mindset may drive the bus.  

A money mindset has a similar definition: a belief or a set of beliefs about money that may or may not be a truth.  

Have you ever taken a money mindset quiz? There are several out there. What did you think about your results? Take a moment to find a quiz and take it if you want. Then, write down a few sentences about how the results feel to you.  

I have expanded on this idea in the Money Mindset Shift course. I want to do more than just help you identify your mindsets; I want to help you make shifts in your money mindset to better serve you. I want you to be driving that proverbial bus!

Want to take a peek inside the Money Mindset Shift course? 

Here’s a look at one common money mindset and tips to shift it.

The Scarcity Mindset

Living in a Scarcity Mindset means it feels like there will never be enough. It can make the world feel like a terrifying place. Someone operating in a Scarcity Mindset may sacrifice their relationships for a fleeting sense of security—their feeling of scarcity is so great that they can’t see past their immediate needs. Existing in this mindset for a long period of time can leave people feeling deprived and can foster fear, leading to anxiety and insecurity. 

“In the mindset of scarcity, our relationship with money is an expression of fear.” 

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

People who have a  highly-rigid brain chemistry may tend towards a Scarcity Mindset about money. I recall clients expressing that they couldn’t afford something when they in fact had thousands of dollars in savings. Their instinct to not use resources — whether that meant not spending money or perhaps not eating food — was grounded in fear and shame rather than reality. 

→ Someone takes the first job they’re offered even if they’re incredibly overqualified. They feel it might be the last paycheck they’ll ever receive!

→ Someone doesn’t know when they’ll get another opportunity to eat a special or “forbidden” food, so they eat every morsel on their plate. 

→ Someone buys toilet paper every time they’re in the grocery store (whether or not they already have some at home) because the store may be out next week. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Compassion-Based Mindset: Sufficiency

The complement of the Scarcity Mindset is the Sufficiency Mindset. Someone operating from this context may think, “I can trust myself to meet my needs.” They may feel confident that there will be enough to go around. They may even realize that they won’t have everything they’ll ever want—and that’s ok. They’ll have enough. 

“Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough.”

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

When we are able to live from the energy of sufficiency, we can see problems as learning opportunities, fears as messages instead of promises, and limits as creative guides. This energy helps us move from many all-or-nothing thoughts based in scarcity – from a thought like “I can never succeed” to “This path isn’t working for me, but I can trust that I’ll find another option.” 

→ Someone shifts from thinking “I can’t be happy until I make more money” to “I keep thinking I need to make more money no matter how much I have—I wonder what I can learn from this cycle.” 

→ Someone turns down a job because they didn’t feel valued, weren’t offered enough money, or knew they could find a better fit.  

→ Someone stops eating when they’re full, even if there’s plenty of food left on their plate, because they trust that they can sufficiently and consistently satisfy their hunger. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Journal Prompt: Shifting from Scarcity to Sufficiency

The first step to shift from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Sufficiency is increasing awareness of your current thoughts. Pull out your journal and think back to a time this week when you said or thought, “I can’t afford that” or “Only rich people do that.” Reflect on how that felt. 

Then ask yourself, “Is this statement a belief or a truth?” As always, remember to approach this answer with compassionate curiosity and nonjudgement. 

Typically, when faced with this question, we realize that it’s a belief that we can’t afford to purchase something. What we’re really saying is something like, “I’m not willing to trade for that.” 

Now, revisit the situation where you felt scarcity and try reframing your statement. Instead of saying “I can’t afford that,” ask yourself, “Am I willing to trade my time and money for that?” 

As you find yourself in this Scarcity Mindset over the next week, pull out your journal and reflect on how it feels to reframe these limiting statements into curious ones. 

Your money mindset may be defining your own ideas of financial success.

It may even be getting in the way of defining financial success or deciding that financial success is only for other people. Here are a few journal prompts for you to explore your money mindset:

• How would you define your money mindset?
• Have you ever written a definition of it?
  • Do it now.
  • Read it a few times. Is it your definition or someone else’s?
• Does your money mindset limit your definition of success? How so?

If this topic resonates with you, consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course!

The post The Impact of Your Money Mindset on Your Financial Success appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.