by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach

You may be wondering what money and milkshakes have in common. To start, they both can give you a brain freeze (ha!). They can also cause discomfort when they feel out of control. 

For today’s blog post, I want to talk about what I call “the intersection of money and milkshakes” and how you can find a path toward healing through the money and food connection.

You may have struggled at times to understand why you repeat things. Ever wondered why you return to the use of a credit card after paying off debt and promising to never put yourself in that situation again? Maybe you find yourself binging on food again, even though just this morning you made another vow to yourself to “lose 10 pounds.” You may end up in tears, accepting the reality that you haven’t made any changes despite your promises to yourself.

I am here to offer another way to look at your struggles. When I was working primarily with individuals struggling with eating disorders, I began to notice some similar statements showing up with my clients that intrigued me. Many of them would use the same sentences to describe their relationships with money as they used for their relationships with food, body, and/or exercise.

For instance, many clients turned to shopping. They may contemplate a purchase to help them “feel not so fat” or “help them fit in” as they try to decrease their binging and purging cycle. Shopping, then, is a coping mechanism, just like binging and purging. Others might lean into their emotions. They may feel like they “never have enough money” and practice rigid habits around money management. Chances are, this strictness is mirrored in their food and exercise behaviors with restriction and compulsion. 

I had other clients who shared stories of feeling overwhelmed about spending or saving. They felt like they never did it “right.” These same clients would often restrict foods because they could never find the “right” food to eat. In all these examples, for those suffering from severe disorders, there is a sense that catastrophe lies ahead if the wrong decision is made.

As you can see, this money and food connection is real! 

Naming it and understanding it better can bring true relief. Here are some other similarities you may have noticed between money and food:

Seeing how these thoughts show up in both areas of your life can help you move you away from certain beliefs – things like “I am stupid about money,” “I am powerless to stop binging,” or “I am too lazy to change.” Once you are aware that these patterns exist with both money and food, you are able to work on the underlying issues that are really at play here. When you have more awareness and more clarity, you can gain more traction in healing and changing.  And, even more exciting, you can see this isn’t just something broken inside of you!

I recently explored the parallels between money and food on the podcast Taking Up Space with Cassie Krajewski. 

During the interview, we discussed the complex and often overlooked intersection of money, food, and mental wellness. Through personal stories and real-world examples, I broke down how financial therapy invites curiosity and compassion into the picture. This approach allows you to move away from rigid, shame-based approaches to food and finances and instead fosters flexibility and self-acceptance. Check out the episode here!

If you haven’t already tuned into my episode of the Stacking Benjamins Show podcast, don’t miss it! During a roundtable discussion with host Joe Saul-Sehy, Paula Pant of Afford Anything, and Larry Sprung of Mitlin Money Mindset, we chatted about how financial trauma manifests in money behaviors and the many benefits of financial therapy — some of which I’ve touched on again in this blog post. 

To help you deepen your healing through the money and food connection, I’m so excited to share my new series of journal prompts. 

With the Healing Through the Money and Food Connection collection of prompts for your Financial Therapy Journal, you can further explore the intersection of money and milkshakes in your own life. Your Financial Therapy Journal is designed to be an ongoing experience, with various paid and free prompt and lesson series. You can create one folder on your device and keep adding new content.  

Imagine sailing through this holiday season with peace and calm around food and money! Grab your bundle today to start your healing journey.

As a reminder, these resources are not therapy or a replacement for therapy. They are meant to be educational and great to use in combination with therapy. To book a free discovery call with me, click here!

The post Healing Through the Money and Food Connection appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

by Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist, Wealth Transfer Dynamics Specialist, Money Coach

Key Points

• A recent discussion about financial trauma by four financial experts
• How to identify signs of financial trauma in your money life
• How my signature Financial Therapy approach can help you begin healing

Intrusive thoughts, racing thoughts, chaotic thoughts, or rigid thoughts around your money decision making. Avoidant money behaviors, obsessive money behaviors, constantly in conflict about money. All of these experiences can be ways you have developed to cope with financial trauma. Consider these statistics: In a 2016 study, 23 percent of Americans (including 35 percent of Millennials) reported experiencing psychological effects similar to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to “acute financial stress” (source). IYKYK, right?

Let’s dive in with a complicated question: What defines financial trauma?

Just last week, I attended FinCon 2024 and recorded an episode of the Stacking Benjamins Show podcast with host Joe Saul-Sehy, Paula Pant of Afford Anything, and Larry Sprung of Mitlin Money Mindset. To help identify what is traumatic, I offered the following framework: Trauma can be something that happens that your brain doesn’t expect or know how to absorb.

When it comes to financial trauma, it may mean a sudden loss of income by job loss, divorce, or other life shocks. It can be living with a verbally abusive parent or spouse who constantly berates you as “bad with money.” Joe mentioned this article as a conversation starter. A scarcity mindset, sometimes called scarcity trauma, is a chronic form of financial trauma. Thomas Faupl, LMFT, SEP, adds, “Scarcity trauma comes from a lack of financial resources.” The roundtable also used the Great Depression as an example. During this time, the nation experienced a common trauma of sudden and significant change to income and security.  

So what happens to someone who experiences financial trauma?  

During this roundtable, the group discussed how a response to a traumatic event is usually a blend of the impact of the event and the neurobiology, or the temperament, of the individual. If you believe you may have experienced financial trauma, I encourage you to notice if you shift into highly rigid or highly chaotic money behaviors.

For instance, if you tend toward hyper organization in a time of stress, you may notice that you start to rigidly save money. This reaction becomes a coping skill. You may feel highly uneasy – threatened, to some degree – if you need to take money out of your savings.

Or if you tend toward chaos, brain fog, and/or avoidance in a time of stress, this shows up in money behaviors and patterns. You may find yourself in a debt cycle, for example, racking up large amounts of debt with promises that “it will be the last time.” You may pay off the debt and vow to never go into debt again, only to break the promise and sink deeper into despair.

These are just a couple of examples of how financial trauma may manifest in money behaviors.

What can you do to start your healing journey? I’ve seen my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy© play a major role in helping to heal and shift my clients’ relationships with money.  The first principle, Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment©, can really change the game. This idea allows the space to see your money behaviors as ways you have learned to cope with a difficult situation, not as evidence you are inherently “flawed” with money. Hope can begin to show up for you, which makes a huge difference.

Another principle, A Plan is Only as Good as Its Adjustment Process©, is also discussed by the group. This principle gives space to acknowledge that flexibility is important in money planning and decision making. Larry endorsed this principle as one he uses with his planning clients. He shared ways that he has supported clients and podcast listeners to grieve what didn’t work and move toward the adjustment process with compassion.

To listen to the full episode, click here! Other key ideas discussed during our roundtable include:

• Diving into financial trauma
• Signs of financial trauma
• Personal stories about the scarcity mindset
• Individual and cultural financial trauma
• Judgment and financial secrecy
• Inherited wealth and emotional struggles
• Behavioral finance in financial planning
• Building compassionate financial relationships
• Recognizing financial trauma: hoarding 
• Societal views on hoarding vs. Saving
• Personal stories of financial extremes
• Balancing financial planning and living in the present
• Diagnosing money hoarding and anxiety
• Steps to address financial anxiety
• Exploring false connections with money
• The importance of financial planning and adjustments
• Tracking spending and financial awareness
• Principles of financial therapy
• When to seek financial therapy

Ready to do your own healing from financial trauma?

Download the free Foundational Series of My Financial Therapy Journal and begin your recovery journey! Stay tuned for more journal prompts to deepen your financial therapy work.

As a reminder, these resources are not therapy or a replacement for therapy. They are meant to be educational and great to use in combination with therapy. To book a free discovery call with me, click here! 

The post Financial Trauma and Financial Therapy appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Who is driving your money bus: you or your mindset?

What is a mindset? It’s defined by Merriam-Webster as “a mental attitude or inclination, a fixed state of mind” and by Wikipedia as “a mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person.” I, however, define it as “a belief that may or may not be a truth.”

Mindsets are powerful and often make decisions for you.  

Let’s use a silly example. If you have a mindset – a set of beliefs and attitudes – that dogs make the perfect pet, you may avoid, spend less time with, or not invite over someone who has a mindset that cats are the only good pet. You may wonder, “How could someone prefer cats to dogs?!” You may send them articles about the joys of puppy ownership in order to passively influence them to come over to your mindset. You may post memes about ways that dogs are better than cats! You might get a second dog, even though you weren’t really ready to do so, in order to prove your mindset is right.

Sure, this example is a bit ridiculous, but did it resonate? We want to notice and appreciate ways that a mindset can influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you see here, a mindset may drive the bus.  

A money mindset has a similar definition: a belief or a set of beliefs about money that may or may not be a truth.  

Have you ever taken a money mindset quiz? There are several out there. What did you think about your results? Take a moment to find a quiz and take it if you want. Then, write down a few sentences about how the results feel to you.  

I have expanded on this idea in the Money Mindset Shift course. I want to do more than just help you identify your mindsets; I want to help you make shifts in your money mindset to better serve you. I want you to be driving that proverbial bus!

Want to take a peek inside the Money Mindset Shift course? 

Here’s a look at one common money mindset and tips to shift it.

The Scarcity Mindset

Living in a Scarcity Mindset means it feels like there will never be enough. It can make the world feel like a terrifying place. Someone operating in a Scarcity Mindset may sacrifice their relationships for a fleeting sense of security—their feeling of scarcity is so great that they can’t see past their immediate needs. Existing in this mindset for a long period of time can leave people feeling deprived and can foster fear, leading to anxiety and insecurity. 

“In the mindset of scarcity, our relationship with money is an expression of fear.” 

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

People who have a  highly-rigid brain chemistry may tend towards a Scarcity Mindset about money. I recall clients expressing that they couldn’t afford something when they in fact had thousands of dollars in savings. Their instinct to not use resources — whether that meant not spending money or perhaps not eating food — was grounded in fear and shame rather than reality. 

→ Someone takes the first job they’re offered even if they’re incredibly overqualified. They feel it might be the last paycheck they’ll ever receive!

→ Someone doesn’t know when they’ll get another opportunity to eat a special or “forbidden” food, so they eat every morsel on their plate. 

→ Someone buys toilet paper every time they’re in the grocery store (whether or not they already have some at home) because the store may be out next week. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Compassion-Based Mindset: Sufficiency

The complement of the Scarcity Mindset is the Sufficiency Mindset. Someone operating from this context may think, “I can trust myself to meet my needs.” They may feel confident that there will be enough to go around. They may even realize that they won’t have everything they’ll ever want—and that’s ok. They’ll have enough. 

“Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough.”

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

When we are able to live from the energy of sufficiency, we can see problems as learning opportunities, fears as messages instead of promises, and limits as creative guides. This energy helps us move from many all-or-nothing thoughts based in scarcity – from a thought like “I can never succeed” to “This path isn’t working for me, but I can trust that I’ll find another option.” 

→ Someone shifts from thinking “I can’t be happy until I make more money” to “I keep thinking I need to make more money no matter how much I have—I wonder what I can learn from this cycle.” 

→ Someone turns down a job because they didn’t feel valued, weren’t offered enough money, or knew they could find a better fit.  

→ Someone stops eating when they’re full, even if there’s plenty of food left on their plate, because they trust that they can sufficiently and consistently satisfy their hunger. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Journal Prompt: Shifting from Scarcity to Sufficiency

The first step to shift from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Sufficiency is increasing awareness of your current thoughts. Pull out your journal and think back to a time this week when you said or thought, “I can’t afford that” or “Only rich people do that.” Reflect on how that felt. 

Then ask yourself, “Is this statement a belief or a truth?” As always, remember to approach this answer with compassionate curiosity and nonjudgement. 

Typically, when faced with this question, we realize that it’s a belief that we can’t afford to purchase something. What we’re really saying is something like, “I’m not willing to trade for that.” 

Now, revisit the situation where you felt scarcity and try reframing your statement. Instead of saying “I can’t afford that,” ask yourself, “Am I willing to trade my time and money for that?” 

As you find yourself in this Scarcity Mindset over the next week, pull out your journal and reflect on how it feels to reframe these limiting statements into curious ones. 

Your money mindset may be defining your own ideas of financial success.

It may even be getting in the way of defining financial success or deciding that financial success is only for other people. Here are a few journal prompts for you to explore your money mindset:

• How would you define your money mindset?
• Have you ever written a definition of it?
  • Do it now.
  • Read it a few times. Is it your definition or someone else’s?
• Does your money mindset limit your definition of success? How so?

If this topic resonates with you, consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course!

The post The Impact of Your Money Mindset on Your Financial Success appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Money promises sound so good at the time, right? Promises like:

“I will get this organized and never fail again!” 

“I will get this debt paid off and never go into debt again!”

“I will get my s%!# together and never struggle again!”

I have made these kinds of money promises to myself – and you have too. 

I have broken them – just like you. In fact, we usually break them or see them break down within a day, month, or even a few months. Why? Because they aren’t promises; they are magical thoughts. Plans based on magical thoughts aren’t sustainable. No judgment here, because magical promises feel so good in the moment! If they didn’t, we wouldn’t repeat the cycle.

Before we go on, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath. There is NO judgment here. I  want to take a closer look at the impact of your broken money promises so you  can begin to heal.  I am here with you. For real, no judgment. I imagine that’s a new approach for you and your money relationship!

Now, let’s dig into the cycle of broken money promises. 

You know what I am talking about. When a “promise” includes an absolute like never/always, it’s really a magical thought. It requires knowing the future and having a crystal ball, right? It’s ok if this idea feels familiar! We do it because it feels soothing at the time.

The more magical the promise and the more perfection-loaded the promise, the more likely it will crack. And with money, the cracks can show up quickly. Whether it’s 24 hours, 30 days, or 6 months, the statements below will begin to creep in:

• “Oh I forgot about this one last purchase I need to use the credit card for.”
• “Cuss! Cuss! We just paid off all our debt, and now, the air conditioner broke!”
• “Yikes, I forgot about this bill, and now, my budget is all messed up.”
• “Cuss word! I did the math wrong, and I can’t pay for that bill!”
• “I spent hours last weekend working on money. I need a weekend off!”
• “Ugh! I just want to enjoy this vacation. I will think about money stuff later.”

Ok, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath – yes, another one. We’re going to start looking at these events differently. This is the financial therapy approach. This is the start of your Money Mindset Shift. Remember: The shift starts with scoops of compassion, understanding, kindness – and increased awareness.

Let’s start by increasing your awareness about the money stress you feel.

In my opinion, “stress” is a busy (and even overused) word. It is used to describe money A LOT! There are many kinds of money stress though.  Each type can have its own kind of remedy, so you want to get clear on what is trapping you into the cycle of money stress.

Types of money stress can be connected to different fears, such as:

• Fear of failure, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of being “found out” again, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of dropping a ball/forgetting something crucial, which fuels constant vigilance and shows up as repetitive thoughts/list making
• Belief that you are “bad” and shouldn’t even try, which fuels avoidance and can show up as distraction
• Belief that you are “bad” and should try even harder, which fuels (you guessed it!) more hypervigilance and can show up as repetitive/intrusive thoughts/list making and/or feeling like you are “always behind”

Did any of these ideas connect for you? Get more specific about the stress you are feeling and how it is showing up in your life. Use the companion journal page/prompts to paint a clearer picture of what you’re really feeling when “I am so stressed about money” pops into your thoughts. Let’s see what you notice.

Chances are, you’ve wondered why you continue to struggle with broken money promises. Why does the cycle repeat? 

You may have even asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?!” It’s a good question to ask but difficult to answer. Let’s consider a few reasons why the money stress cycle repeats.  

First, remember that the magical promise feels good. Maybe you have experienced this sensation when you “finally” clean out the garage, the pantry, or a closet. You want it to never get messy again, right? And you feel relief when you promise to keep it protected and untouched. Maybe you invest in a nice velvet rope to keep the family out (wink, wink).

Regardless of your intentions, it rarely stays that way. It starts small – with one pair of shoes or a few extra bags of chips leftover from a party. You know the drill! Because the “new order of cleanliness” was built on a kind of time-binge, you don’t have regular time available to attend to it.  

So how do you stop this cycle when it’s related to money stress?  

It is so similar! Begin by compassionately admitting to yourself that it will stay imperfect. Yes, money stuff is never perfect. Yup, I know you wanted it to be. Big sigh.  

Next, create more awareness and less avoidance. You want to ultimately build a system that keeps you able to see what’s going on. But before you can get to this system, it’s crucial to explore what motivates any avoidance. We can do this together in the Money Mindset Shift.

Notice if you shift into “fight, flight, or freeze” when it comes to your money interactions.  This response means you’re stuck in the cycle. First, you make the big promise. Then, when it starts to crumble, you either turn up the obsessive thoughts and number crunching or turn the volume down to zero and make money decisions out of deep avoidance. Or you just watch 10 more episodes of your favorite show. Either way, you are re-acting, and we want to shift things so that you are pro-acting. With this new approach, you can relax when things happen in life because you have an adjustable plan.  

To close, let’s consider some scripts to change your internal dialog and decrease the cycle of broken money promises.

Go from [your repeated pattern] > to [a new way of thinking and acting]

From “I will never use my credit card again.” to “I will wait four days before using my credit card for a purchase that will increase my debt to foster pausing in my spending decisions.”

From “I will never eat out again.” to “I will keep some money set aside for a nurturing dining out meal and foster planning as a part of my spending..

From “I will save all of my next bonus check.” to “I will make a plan to put a percentage of my bonus towards savings and a percentage towards joy to foster balance in my spending.”

From “I will never loan money to friends again.” to “I will commit to a four-step accountability practice to slow my roll when a friend seems to need my money.”

Ready for your own shifts in your money mindset? Discover the first 3 steps today!

The post Locked in a Loop of Broken Money Promises? Why The Cycle of Money Stress Keeps Happening appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

I’ve been a small business owner since 2014, and at the start, I didn’t quite know what I was getting myself into. As a mental health therapist and serial entrepreneur, I take pride in my ability to create and help others to heal and grow. Yet, like so many in my field, I hadn’t earned a business degree and wasn’t able to embark on my small business journey with the confidence I craved. I was anxious that I was going to be part of the statistic that says 50 percent of small businesses will fail in the first 5 years. And as a driven professional with my small business being my sole income, that felt like a lot to risk!

Luckily, several years into my business, I was fortunate to be accepted into the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Business Program, a mini MBA program that catapults small business scholars into a better understanding of the world of business. Things took on more dimension and clarity. I left feeling motivated and invigorated. The experience brought so much value to what I wanted to accomplish within my business and community.

Fast forward to 2020 and the COVID-19 pandemic. Workaholism is on the rise with the hope of gaining financial security in the face of so much uncertainty. I too found myself backsliding into a scarcity mindset and was suffering from noble poverty. I knew I needed to continue to work on myself and my relationship with my business to find balance again. Enter financial therapy!

Financial therapy is a process of healing our money stories and improving our relationship with money. It’s exploring our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around money. As a workaholic therapist with significant student loans who comes from one saver parent and one spender parent, I knew there was work to be done, specifically related to wealth, worth, and work-life balance.

Wealth

Financial therapy is offered with compassionate curiosity, inviting us to do the work of uncovering what wealth means for us. Is wealth about having financial security? Taking vacations without guilt? Paying for our kids’ college? Getting out of debt? Perhaps our process begins with simply being more comfortable talking about money. By exploring how wealth is defined and measured for us each as an individual, we can invite wealth into our lives through saving, strategizing, and embracing money tools that work for us, moving us one step closer to our money goals. 

Worth

There are several studies out there that say happiness is defined by a specific yearly income. But what if I told you our hardship over happiness isn’t actually about money? For some driven professionals, it’s about our worth being wrapped up in what we do. What we contribute. How we help. The idea that we are only as good as what we do. What if our low sense of worth prevents small business owners from raising our rates or collecting payment for a job well done? Money is one piece of our worth story. Financial therapy uncovers the complexities that shape how we show up in our personal and professional lives.

Work-Life Balance

If workaholism is defined as a money disorder, then I’m one of thousands of professionals looking to maintain a better work-life balance. Folks who are fighting against the urge to work 24/7 and feel guilty when we take a break. Small business owners who skip social events to work long hours or weekends. Entrepreneurs who struggle to stop thinking about their business at all hours of the day and night. It doesn’t have to be this way. Financial Therapy uncovers that inner dialogue about worth and work that can signal the beginning of healing our money story. Work-life balance is possible! Financial therapy can be part of the magic that makes it happen.

If you relate to any of these experiences, financial therapy may be the missing piece you’ve been seeking to achieve the next level of your small business success. I know the process has been invaluable to me as a driven professional. The team at Financial Therapy Solutions would be honored to help you on your journey to financial freedom!

Supporting Small Business Owners to Redefine Wealth, Worth, and Work-Life Balance

Khara Croswaite Brindle is passionate about giving people “aha moments” that create goosebumps and catalyze powerful action. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Financial Therapist in Denver, Colorado. Khara’s greatest joy is engaging driven entrepreneurs, Millennials, mental health professionals, and perfectionists to move from workaholic to well-balanced with streamlined strategies that fit their busy lifestyles. Khara has worked with a variety of clients on trauma and life transitions for the past 10 years. In her work as a Financial Therapist, Khara helps driven professionals find stability and freedom in their finances to reduce workaholism, battle burnout, and rediscover joy in what they do.

The post How Financial Therapy Supports Small Business Success appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

I feel so alone when it comes to my finances. The sense of dread that overcomes me before I look at my account balances or credit card statement is crippling. I know my relationship with money needs help, but I don’t know where to begin. 

If you’ve experienced one (or all!) of these thoughts, you’re not the only one! The answer to these issues and more lies in financial therapy. Financial therapy helps you connect the dots between knowing what to do with your money and actually doing it. Clients learn to not only recognize and understand their financial challenges and money roadblocks but also to confidently move towards a sustainable solution. 

Ready to start right now? Here are two small steps you can take. First, rename one of your bank accounts with a goal you’re hoping to reach. If you have a savings account for an upcoming vacation, call it, “Sunshine and Sand, Here I Come.” Or if you’re working on paying off your student loans, name it “Almost Free.” I believe that, if you have an emotional relationship with your savings, you’re more likely to save. Plus, you’ll have a visual reminder to help you stay on track as you work towards the future.

And second, track your expenses. Don’t just type them into an Excel sheet; instead, write them down by hand. This method helps to really mentally solidify your purchases. Beyond the item and cost, include the emotion behind the purchase as well as how it made you feel. Again, it’s important to establish an emotional connection to your money.

Introducing Financial Therapy Solutions

I have seen my clients’ lives change so dramatically when they approach their money life through the lens of financial therapy. Inspired by the power of this transformation, I am building a team of financial therapists who are trained in my program, The 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©.

Financial Therapy Solutions, LLC is a group practice located in Denver, CO, and helping clients across the U.S. and internationally via telehealth services. We focus on diving into the intersection of money and emotions, guiding clients to reach their goals through an approach of zero judgment and abundant, compassionate curiosity. 

I’m thrilled to introduce our newest team members. Khara Croswaite Brindle, LPC is passionate about giving people those “aha moments” that lead to powerful change. She loves to dive in with entrepreneurs to look at both their personal and business money mindsets. Laura Henderson, MA, LPC spent 20 years in education before shifting to the therapy field. She enjoys helping women who are in recovery or who love someone in recovery deepen their own healing journey with financial freedom. 

To learn more about financial therapy, listen to my podcast with Sonni Abatta on her show, We Gotta Talk. We discuss how to set an abundance mindset, need-to-know financial advice for freelancers and entrepreneurs, and more.

Book a discovery call with a member of the Financial Therapy Solutions team today!

The post Connecting the Dots with Financial Therapy appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

You’re not alone. Many people are feeling a sense of fragility in their financial lives, stuck in a cycle they can’t get out of. Did you know that even before COVID-19 hit, consumer debt in the U.S. had been steadily growing? It’s up 19% since 2009, to its current record high of $14.1 trillion!

Also, many people are facing financial uncertainty because of COVID-19—the latest stats show that 22 million Americans are unemployed. And a Bankrate poll released in January 2020 showed that just four in 10 U.S. adults could cover the cost of a $1,000 car repair or hospital stay with savings!

I’m not sharing these figures to scare you, or to bring you down. Instead, I want to use this opportunity to share a fresh approach that I think can help: using a savings plan to help you stay out of debt, not just get out of debt.

I often hear “How can I save if I am in debt?” and “It’s impossible to not have debt.” I made this shift myself, and can offer you some tips to help you increase savings on your path to reducing debt.

3 Steps to Staying Out of Debt

I’ve worked with clients who have paid off debts—often big ones—only to find themselves deeply in debt again when they come to me. What has helped them change the cycle is looking at the deeper emotional links to their money, debt and savings cycles. This can stop the constant up-and-down of debt weight and emotion, which can feel similar to yo-yo dieting.

We all have a relationship with our money, our debt and our savings. We’re going to take a closer look at those relationships. And while we’re doing so, I want to remind you of the power of approaching your financial story with compassionate curiosity, not judgment.

1. First, I invite you to identify your money mindset.

   Whether your mindset is one of scarcity: “There will never be enough money” or abundance: “There will always be enough money,” it drives your behavior and decisions every day. Your mindset also influences behaviors like whether or not you’ll keep cycling in and out of debt, make promises to yourself that you won’t overspend this time (but do it anyways).  There are online quizzes for identifying your money mindset, and I also find a helpful way can be to journal out some of your top money beliefs.  This can give you some good clues!

   By having a deeper connection to what prompts you to make the financial decisions you do, you’ll begin to tune into your money mindset, and reduce disconnected spending.

2. Now, what’s your debt mindset?

   I see a lot of “black and white” in how people think about debt. Debt is bad; no debt is good. This rigid thinking can feel a bit like holding your breath.

   When you throw every dollar at your debt and don’t have any savings, eventually you have to gasp for air. You use your credit card or go into overdraft to cover that unexpected expense, or use your credit card as your emergency fund, creating a revolving door of debt.

   Remember, no judgment! I used to be a “balance transfer queen,” shuffling debt around on a regular basis…

3. Finally, identify your savings mindset.

   What does it feel like to ask yourself “What is your relationship to savings?” You do have a relationship with savings, no matter what your account balance is.

   Some people notice a sense of perfectionism pops up and sounds like “If I don’t have $1000 (or pick your amount) to start with, what is the point? Some may feel so overwhelmed by bills that they can’t imagine taking money from an already-stretched monthly inflow.

   One of the biggest impacts of COVID-19 might be that you are more painfully aware than ever that you didn’t have even a month (or a week!) of funds saved up. You may have been longing to ‘do different’ and aren’t sure why it isn’t happening. And you may feel too embarrassed or ashamed to explore this pattern.

   Financial therapy is a safe place to start the conversation with yourself. And whatever your savings mindset is, I encourage you to try starting with an automatic transfer of even $10 or $20 into savings per month. And notice how this feels, and how it can spark momentum.

   By setting up automatic transfers, you’re also saving yourself from “decision overload,” which can make you feel stuck. It’s one less decision you have to make in your day!

Take a Breath, Then Take the First Step

When you identify your money, debt and savings mindsets, it helps you change the way you approach, organize, and feel about your finances. And this kind of clarity can even improve other areas of your life!

So I encourage you to take a breath before you rush to pay off debt, whether you just got a coronavirus stimulus check or are working full-time. Instead of focusing only on how good it would feel to be out of debt, breathe and consider paying off debt as just a part of your overall money plan, balanced out with savings and spending.

No matter where you’re at in your money journey, I can help. Book your first session with me today.

The post Don’t Just Get Out of Debt, Save Out of Debt! appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Maybe you’re feeling lonely because you can’t see your parents or adult kids or share a coffee with a coworker. I know I miss taking a springtime hike with friends, or giving my kids and parents hugs. 

Many people are also dealing with the financial stress of coronavirus. Maybe their loved ones are suddenly without income because they have been laid off, their work hours have been reduced or they no longer have childcare. 

From a sense of unrest to outright fear, we’re all dealing with the emotions that COVID-19 is stirring up. That’s why I wanted to share 3 ways to cope:

1. Just breathe

   It sounds so basic, doesn’t it? It is, but this primal practice can immediately ground you and instill a sense of calm, especially when you find yourself going into “fight, flight, freeze” mode (more on that below). 

   One of the most common methods in meditation is something called “receptive” practice. Rather than trying to change your breathing, you simply follow it. As you inhale and exhale with no judgement about your technique, you’re naturally quieting your mind and reducing anxiety.

   Over time, receptive breathing can guide you towards being more present in each moment, effortlessly aligning with what’s going on in your world. It can also boost your emotional intelligence and improve your communication with others. 

   One of the best COVID-19 coping strategies is to simply pause and take a breath. Let your body remind you that you have what it takes to get through this time of change and uncertainty, 

   Here’s a great resource on conscious breathing practices.

2. Get to know your numbers.

   Lots of people are taking the opportunity of being housebound to focus on their “mental money health.” Some individuals have more time to dig deep into their money story, while others are feeling the financial stress of coronavirus. This pandemic goes hand in hand with a significant economic crisis that’s being experienced globally. 

   This could be the perfect opportunity to look more closely at your money blocks. As you really crunch your numbers, you’ll begin to discover so much more than just what you buy; you’ll start to see patterns. 

   As you look at these patterns with compassionate curiosity, not judgment, you’ll start getting clarity into the underlying why of your financial decisions. 

   As you’re getting started, here’s a tip: Use a tracking system to touch and name all of your numbers and get down to the nitty gritty (for example, a row called “Coffee Runs” could track your weekly cafe purchases). 

   Jot down your thoughts and feelings around each transaction. Do you feel euphoric when you buy new clothes? Guilty when you put money into savings rather than buying your kids something fun? This was an insight I gained when I was doing my own money work: As a single Mom, I felt like I was taking something away from my kids by not spending that money on them.

   I promise you, you’re going to learn a lot about yourself by tapping into the feelings you attach to your money! If you’re feeling the financial stress of coronavirus, remember to look at your money story with compassionate curiosity. Be kind to yourself and to others, not just now, but always.  

3. Understand your coping strategy. 

   We all tend to have a baseline coping strategy, and I often envision these strategies on a continuum. Knowing your baseline, such as a tendency to control things when stressed, can help you normalize how you react. 

   You may notice you are hyper-focused on controlling small things, such as wiping down every surface at home every 20 minutes. If this is interrupted, you may erupt as if under attack. Once you know this is your baseline, you can then name it, appreciate it, and breathe through any interruptions.

   Here are some examples of ways you may fall onto one end of a continuum or another:

   • Restrict or binge. Your COVID-19 coping strategies either involve restricting food or eating like it’s your last meal. Or, maybe you restrict self-care or loving connections, or binge on alcohol or online shopping.
   • Rigid or chaotic. Do you scrub your floors with a toothbrush when times get tough, or let dirty laundry pile up on your desk? Some of us feel a sense of calm when things are clean and orderly. For others, the chaos on the outside mirrors what they’re feeling inside.
   • Fight, flight, freeze. This is your body’s built-in coping mechanism, and it helps protect you from danger. For example, if I yelled “Duck!” you might automatically crouch down, which would be good if an object was flying at your face. But regular old anxiety can also trigger this fight, flight, freeze mode.

    

   Also, you may often find your response feels like a rollercoaster ride from one end of this continuum to the other. But knowing your baseline will help you communicate more clearly (to yourself and others) about how you are really doing. 

One thing I encourage is looking for ways to decrease reactivity in order to increase connection and enhance communication.

I hope you can take some comfort in these COVID-19 coping strategies. Please remember that like everything else in life, this will pass. Acknowledge whatever you’re feeling at the moment and breathe—you’ll get through this!

If now is the right time for financial therapy, I’m here. From exploring your decision matrix to digging deep into your numbers, I can guide you on your financial renewal journey. Contact me for a free virtual or phone consultation.

The post Certainty in Uncertain Times: 3 COVID-19 Financial Coping Strategies appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.