Compassionate Curiosity: Can It Really Make a Difference?
By Wendy Wright, LMFT, Financial Therapist
Have you heard me talk about compassionate curiosity yet? My clients hear me say this phrase a lot. At first, their body language reflects a response like, “Yeah, that sounds pretty and sweet, but I can’t be kind to myself with money, or I will just make things worse!” Sometimes, they even say these feelings out loud, which I love! Then, they start to apply it, and several sessions later, like magic, their body language (and maybe their words too!) will say, “Wow, this is really helping!”
Do you want to try to experience the shift that compassionate curiosity brings?
Oftentimes, one of your current coping styles stands in the way. Maybe it’s negative self-talk as you try to bully yourself into being better with money. Maybe it’s avoidance, promising yourself that you will get to the money tasks later. These types of coping styles can feel familiar. They can even serve as an element of certainty amidst so much uncertainty. They may bring you comfort, like settling into a favorite chair with a book, or fear, like seeing yourself engage in a binge cycle of eating, shopping, gambling, sleeping, yelling, or [fill in the blank] that leads to unsettling outcomes. What I find helpful here is taking a pause and a breath. Then, give yourself a chance to name these coping styles with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment.
As you spend time reading my blogs or maybe in session with me, I hope you hear about this approach hundreds of times. I mean it! I don’t mind if you hear it so much that you begin to predict that I am about to say it. In fact, that would be amazing! After all, there’s a reason why it is number 1 of my 10 Principles of Financial Therapy©.
Let’s dig in a bit further.
Principle 1: Abundant Compassionate Curiosity and Zero Judgment
Notice how it feels to reflect upon a behavior, a transaction, or a conversation about money that troubled you, first with that inner critic that judges you. Then, take an intentional breath, and reflect upon it with compassion and curiosity, allowing space to notice three or four things about that event with a non-judgment energy. My hope is – and what often happens for my clients – there is more room to:
- gain insight
- breathe more fully
- create space for change
It is in that spirit that I incorporate my foundational practice of “Breathe, Intend, Move” into Money Mindset Shift.
This course teaches prompts to promote healing in your money story. Even better, it’s easily adapted to bring healing to your own area of focus. Perhaps you are craving change in your relationship with debt or earnings. Maybe you’re looking to make improvements in your relationships with family and friends. You will be encouraged to add in your own prompts throughout the course. If your goal is to begin to look at your money life with a therapeutic lens, applying these principles is a key step. It could be your first step of real change in a frustrating, anxiety-ridden, fear-based and maybe embarrassing dynamic with money.
My hope is that the concept of compassionate curiosity helps you deepen the exploration of your experience with money. May it increase your kindness to yourself and others and decrease reactive judgments. If you want, please let me know about your journey through these prompts with an email. I really want to know how it impacts you and your life!
If you feel ready to go a step further, you can check out my Intentional Shopping Exercise (link below) and the Money Mindset Shift course options. Plus, get on the list to be notified of upcoming workshops!
I can’t tell you how much adopting this frame for my own life has changed and healed my spirit. The impact has been real. I encourage you to try.
