Who is driving your money bus: you or your mindset?

What is a mindset? It’s defined by Merriam-Webster as “a mental attitude or inclination, a fixed state of mind” and by Wikipedia as “a mindset is an established set of attitudes of a person.” I, however, define it as “a belief that may or may not be a truth.”

Mindsets are powerful and often make decisions for you.  

Let’s use a silly example. If you have a mindset – a set of beliefs and attitudes – that dogs make the perfect pet, you may avoid, spend less time with, or not invite over someone who has a mindset that cats are the only good pet. You may wonder, “How could someone prefer cats to dogs?!” You may send them articles about the joys of puppy ownership in order to passively influence them to come over to your mindset. You may post memes about ways that dogs are better than cats! You might get a second dog, even though you weren’t really ready to do so, in order to prove your mindset is right.

Sure, this example is a bit ridiculous, but did it resonate? We want to notice and appreciate ways that a mindset can influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you see here, a mindset may drive the bus.  

A money mindset has a similar definition: a belief or a set of beliefs about money that may or may not be a truth.  

Have you ever taken a money mindset quiz? There are several out there. What did you think about your results? Take a moment to find a quiz and take it if you want. Then, write down a few sentences about how the results feel to you.  

I have expanded on this idea in the Money Mindset Shift course. I want to do more than just help you identify your mindsets; I want to help you make shifts in your money mindset to better serve you. I want you to be driving that proverbial bus!

Want to take a peek inside the Money Mindset Shift course? 

Here’s a look at one common money mindset and tips to shift it.

The Scarcity Mindset

Living in a Scarcity Mindset means it feels like there will never be enough. It can make the world feel like a terrifying place. Someone operating in a Scarcity Mindset may sacrifice their relationships for a fleeting sense of security—their feeling of scarcity is so great that they can’t see past their immediate needs. Existing in this mindset for a long period of time can leave people feeling deprived and can foster fear, leading to anxiety and insecurity. 

“In the mindset of scarcity, our relationship with money is an expression of fear.” 

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

People who have a  highly-rigid brain chemistry may tend towards a Scarcity Mindset about money. I recall clients expressing that they couldn’t afford something when they in fact had thousands of dollars in savings. Their instinct to not use resources — whether that meant not spending money or perhaps not eating food — was grounded in fear and shame rather than reality. 

→ Someone takes the first job they’re offered even if they’re incredibly overqualified. They feel it might be the last paycheck they’ll ever receive!

→ Someone doesn’t know when they’ll get another opportunity to eat a special or “forbidden” food, so they eat every morsel on their plate. 

→ Someone buys toilet paper every time they’re in the grocery store (whether or not they already have some at home) because the store may be out next week. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Compassion-Based Mindset: Sufficiency

The complement of the Scarcity Mindset is the Sufficiency Mindset. Someone operating from this context may think, “I can trust myself to meet my needs.” They may feel confident that there will be enough to go around. They may even realize that they won’t have everything they’ll ever want—and that’s ok. They’ll have enough. 

“Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough.”

Lynne Twist, Soul of Money 

When we are able to live from the energy of sufficiency, we can see problems as learning opportunities, fears as messages instead of promises, and limits as creative guides. This energy helps us move from many all-or-nothing thoughts based in scarcity – from a thought like “I can never succeed” to “This path isn’t working for me, but I can trust that I’ll find another option.” 

→ Someone shifts from thinking “I can’t be happy until I make more money” to “I keep thinking I need to make more money no matter how much I have—I wonder what I can learn from this cycle.” 

→ Someone turns down a job because they didn’t feel valued, weren’t offered enough money, or knew they could find a better fit.  

→ Someone stops eating when they’re full, even if there’s plenty of food left on their plate, because they trust that they can sufficiently and consistently satisfy their hunger. 

Ask yourself: How often do you see yourself in this mindset on a scale of 1 to 10?

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

never                 sometimes                      often                      always

Journal Prompt: Shifting from Scarcity to Sufficiency

The first step to shift from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Sufficiency is increasing awareness of your current thoughts. Pull out your journal and think back to a time this week when you said or thought, “I can’t afford that” or “Only rich people do that.” Reflect on how that felt. 

Then ask yourself, “Is this statement a belief or a truth?” As always, remember to approach this answer with compassionate curiosity and nonjudgement. 

Typically, when faced with this question, we realize that it’s a belief that we can’t afford to purchase something. What we’re really saying is something like, “I’m not willing to trade for that.” 

Now, revisit the situation where you felt scarcity and try reframing your statement. Instead of saying “I can’t afford that,” ask yourself, “Am I willing to trade my time and money for that?” 

As you find yourself in this Scarcity Mindset over the next week, pull out your journal and reflect on how it feels to reframe these limiting statements into curious ones. 

Your money mindset may be defining your own ideas of financial success.

It may even be getting in the way of defining financial success or deciding that financial success is only for other people. Here are a few journal prompts for you to explore your money mindset:

• How would you define your money mindset?
• Have you ever written a definition of it?
  • Do it now.
  • Read it a few times. Is it your definition or someone else’s?
• Does your money mindset limit your definition of success? How so?

If this topic resonates with you, consider joining me for the Money Mindset Shift course!

The post The Impact of Your Money Mindset on Your Financial Success appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

Money promises sound so good at the time, right? Promises like:

“I will get this organized and never fail again!” 

“I will get this debt paid off and never go into debt again!”

“I will get my s%!# together and never struggle again!”

I have made these kinds of money promises to myself – and you have too. 

I have broken them – just like you. In fact, we usually break them or see them break down within a day, month, or even a few months. Why? Because they aren’t promises; they are magical thoughts. Plans based on magical thoughts aren’t sustainable. No judgment here, because magical promises feel so good in the moment! If they didn’t, we wouldn’t repeat the cycle.

Before we go on, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath. There is NO judgment here. I  want to take a closer look at the impact of your broken money promises so you  can begin to heal.  I am here with you. For real, no judgment. I imagine that’s a new approach for you and your money relationship!

Now, let’s dig into the cycle of broken money promises. 

You know what I am talking about. When a “promise” includes an absolute like never/always, it’s really a magical thought. It requires knowing the future and having a crystal ball, right? It’s ok if this idea feels familiar! We do it because it feels soothing at the time.

The more magical the promise and the more perfection-loaded the promise, the more likely it will crack. And with money, the cracks can show up quickly. Whether it’s 24 hours, 30 days, or 6 months, the statements below will begin to creep in:

• “Oh I forgot about this one last purchase I need to use the credit card for.”
• “Cuss! Cuss! We just paid off all our debt, and now, the air conditioner broke!”
• “Yikes, I forgot about this bill, and now, my budget is all messed up.”
• “Cuss word! I did the math wrong, and I can’t pay for that bill!”
• “I spent hours last weekend working on money. I need a weekend off!”
• “Ugh! I just want to enjoy this vacation. I will think about money stuff later.”

Ok, let’s pause for a compassionate deep breath – yes, another one. We’re going to start looking at these events differently. This is the financial therapy approach. This is the start of your Money Mindset Shift. Remember: The shift starts with scoops of compassion, understanding, kindness – and increased awareness.

Let’s start by increasing your awareness about the money stress you feel.

In my opinion, “stress” is a busy (and even overused) word. It is used to describe money A LOT! There are many kinds of money stress though.  Each type can have its own kind of remedy, so you want to get clear on what is trapping you into the cycle of money stress.

Types of money stress can be connected to different fears, such as:

• Fear of failure, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of being “found out” again, which fuels constant vigilance
• Fear of dropping a ball/forgetting something crucial, which fuels constant vigilance and shows up as repetitive thoughts/list making
• Belief that you are “bad” and shouldn’t even try, which fuels avoidance and can show up as distraction
• Belief that you are “bad” and should try even harder, which fuels (you guessed it!) more hypervigilance and can show up as repetitive/intrusive thoughts/list making and/or feeling like you are “always behind”

Did any of these ideas connect for you? Get more specific about the stress you are feeling and how it is showing up in your life. Use the companion journal page/prompts to paint a clearer picture of what you’re really feeling when “I am so stressed about money” pops into your thoughts. Let’s see what you notice.

Chances are, you’ve wondered why you continue to struggle with broken money promises. Why does the cycle repeat? 

You may have even asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?!” It’s a good question to ask but difficult to answer. Let’s consider a few reasons why the money stress cycle repeats.  

First, remember that the magical promise feels good. Maybe you have experienced this sensation when you “finally” clean out the garage, the pantry, or a closet. You want it to never get messy again, right? And you feel relief when you promise to keep it protected and untouched. Maybe you invest in a nice velvet rope to keep the family out (wink, wink).

Regardless of your intentions, it rarely stays that way. It starts small – with one pair of shoes or a few extra bags of chips leftover from a party. You know the drill! Because the “new order of cleanliness” was built on a kind of time-binge, you don’t have regular time available to attend to it.  

So how do you stop this cycle when it’s related to money stress?  

It is so similar! Begin by compassionately admitting to yourself that it will stay imperfect. Yes, money stuff is never perfect. Yup, I know you wanted it to be. Big sigh.  

Next, create more awareness and less avoidance. You want to ultimately build a system that keeps you able to see what’s going on. But before you can get to this system, it’s crucial to explore what motivates any avoidance. We can do this together in the Money Mindset Shift.

Notice if you shift into “fight, flight, or freeze” when it comes to your money interactions.  This response means you’re stuck in the cycle. First, you make the big promise. Then, when it starts to crumble, you either turn up the obsessive thoughts and number crunching or turn the volume down to zero and make money decisions out of deep avoidance. Or you just watch 10 more episodes of your favorite show. Either way, you are re-acting, and we want to shift things so that you are pro-acting. With this new approach, you can relax when things happen in life because you have an adjustable plan.  

To close, let’s consider some scripts to change your internal dialog and decrease the cycle of broken money promises.

Go from [your repeated pattern] > to [a new way of thinking and acting]

From “I will never use my credit card again.” to “I will wait four days before using my credit card for a purchase that will increase my debt to foster pausing in my spending decisions.”

From “I will never eat out again.” to “I will keep some money set aside for a nurturing dining out meal and foster planning as a part of my spending..

From “I will save all of my next bonus check.” to “I will make a plan to put a percentage of my bonus towards savings and a percentage towards joy to foster balance in my spending.”

From “I will never loan money to friends again.” to “I will commit to a four-step accountability practice to slow my roll when a friend seems to need my money.”

Ready for your own shifts in your money mindset? Discover the first 3 steps today!

The post Locked in a Loop of Broken Money Promises? Why The Cycle of Money Stress Keeps Happening appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

As we enter the last quarter of the year (!), it’s important for small business owners to get grounded in their own numbers and identify their money milestones. Maybe you want to wrap up a project and ensure that you have time for a new one come January. Maybe your focus is hitting your annual revenue goal. Or maybe you just want to see how 2021 compares to the ups-and-downs of 2020. Whatever the reason, it’s normal to feel some pressure to finish on a high note before the holidays. 

So what do you need in order to meet your money milestones? Let’s take a look at some financial therapy tools that have worked wonders for other small business owners!

Know Your Numbers

I know it may seem like a no-brainer, but it isn’t uncommon for a small business owner to experience avoidance, overwhelm, guilt, or shame when trying to get closer to their numbers. Think about the following questions:

• Do you know your monthly expenses? 
• Do you know how much you make each month? 
• What are your periodic expenses for the year, divided over 12 months? 

Although it may be emotional, using this opportunity to get closer to your money has long-lasting, positive effects, including increased confidence and security in your business. Do you feel like you already have these elements locked in? Consider the 50-30-20 budget rule for your business versus your personal expenses. As a driven professional, this exercise can be a thought-provoking way to heal your relationship to money.

Rename Your Accounts

It’s amazing to see the shifts that happen when business owners rename their accounts to something that has more emotional buy-in. How different would it feel to see a savings account named “Vacation to Hawaii” or an account that says “Dream Home” when putting money aside each month? How would it feel to rename a credit card to “Life-Changing Trip to Italy” rather than “Credit Card Debt?” This simple but powerful pivot in how we think and feel about our money can make all the difference in staying committed to our savings goals or our debt reduction plan. 

Talk About Money

This tip may seem strange, and yet, talking about money continues to be a taboo conversation for many people. Maybe it was discouraged in your family. Maybe it leads to a visceral reaction to talk about money with your partner, spouse, or business partner, which has caused fighting in the past. However, in order to heal your money story, you have to get close to it and talk about it. 

To be clear, I’m not suggesting you go around saying, “I can’t afford ______.” That’s a self-limiting belief that we have all been caught saying to ourselves. I’m talking about taking the power out of money by making it a more casual conversation. Perhaps it’s celebrating a milestone with a colleague you trust. Or having what Bari Tessler calls a Money Date with your partner or spouse to check in on your goals. 

Revisit Your Money Milestones Monthly

Lastly, once you start the work of knowing your numbers, don’t forget about them! The work of money healing is not a one-and-done process. You have to check-in once in a while. So what would it be like to schedule a money date with yourself? Some ideas include: 

• Running a P&L for your business 
• Reviewing your bank statements to see what you made this month 
• Utilizing a tool like TillerHQ, MoneyGrit., or YNAB, all of which give you a snapshot of your month 

There are plenty of possibilities here, so discover what works for you and go for it.

Master Your Money Workgroup

I hope these tools are as impactful for you as they’ve been for other brave small business owners who wished to redefine their wealth, worth, and work-life balance. These ideas are just the tip of the iceberg of what financial therapy can offer.

If you feel inspired, intimidated, or just want the accountability of doing this work with someone who can offer the safe space and compassion to create a difference, consider joining our upcoming Master Your Money workgroup, set to begin in January 2022. This six-month program involves one 90-minute session per month with expert guidance and one-on-one help. During this workgroup, you’ll learn how to get out of debt, save money, grow your practice, and gain financial freedom. Plus, you’ll be working with a supportive group of entrepreneurs like yourself, all using your newfound knowledge and tools to bring about real change to your businesses. 

Khara Croswaite Brindle is a Certified Financial Therapist-Level I Professional and a contracted therapist with Financial Therapy Solutions.

I hope you’ll join us for the upcoming Master Your Money workgroup and start the new year strong! You can reach out to wendy@financialtherapysolutions.com with questions.

The post Meeting Your Money Milestones appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.

What do money and milkshakes have in common? They both can give you a brain freeze!

They can also seem to bring you pain and suffering when they feel out of balance.

You may have struggled at times to understand why you repeat things. Why you return to the use of a credit card after paying off debt and promising yourself “I will never be in debt again!”.

You may find yourself binging on food again today, even though this morning you promised yourself “I will lose 10 pounds today!”. You may have been in tears, absorbing the reality that you haven’t made the changes you promised you would.

I am here to offer another way to look at this, a way that I witness helping others.

When I was working primarily with those struggling with eating disorders, I began to notice some similar statements showing up with my patients and clients that intrigued me.

I began to notice many of them would use the same sentences to describe how they were interacting with money as they had been with food, body or exercise.

Some, for instance, might turn to shopping. Deciding on purchases that would “help me not feel so fat”, “help me fit in”, “help me be accepted by others”, when they are decreasing binging/purging.

These were the same things they would say about why they used binging/purging to manage emotions.

Others might share how they feel. They “never have enough money” and show up with rigidity around money management. This mirrored their rigidity around food and exercise management.

There were others who shared stories of feeling overwhelmed about spending or saving. They never felt they did it “right”. These were the same clients who would restrict foods because they could never find the “right” food to eat.

And in all these, for those suffering from severe disorders, there is a sense that catastrophe lies ahead if the “wrong” decision is made.

This parallel relationship is real! And naming it can bring about real relief!

Consider some of these similarities between money and food:

• Both money and food have many transactions [decisions] every day!
• Both money and food have to be consistently used even while working on healing and improving your relationship to them.
• Both money and food decisions can have morality assigned to what appears to be “bad” choices
• Both money and food issues are better healed with compassion than with shame and judgment.

Once you are able to see these thoughts show up in more than one arena of your life, it can help move you away from certain beliefs. Such as “I am stupid about money”, “I am powerless to stop binging”, “I am too lazy to change”.

Once you are aware that these patterns show up with both money and food, you are able to work on the underlying issues that are really at work. And then you have more awareness, more clarity, and can gain more traction in healing and changing.

Thanks for reading! If this resonates with you, and you would like to pay more personalized attention to your own relationship with food and money, you can connect with me here to set up a Free Discovery Call or a session.

The post The Intersection of Money and Milkshakes appeared first on Financial Therapy Solutions.